What is Reality?

Ch. 3 from Amber O’Brien’s book, “Love.Always.Wins.”

~~Sometimes Love Means Planning a Retreat~~

Locked in our small powder room, I cling to the phone with my friend
on the other end while my three children knock on the door and call
out, “Mom, she hit me!” and, “Jacob won’t let me use the computer!”
Then my husband chimes in with, “Amber, have you seen my shoes?”
Ignoring the interruptions, I ask my friend on the line, “Have you ever wanted
to just get away to a deserted island?”
This scene is actually the opening of one of the many hilarious videos that
I have submitted to the reality show, Survivor. If you think I am crazy for
wanting to go to a remote location for thirty-nine days to live off the land,
eat bugs, wear no makeup (yikes!) and to put myself in a situation that risks
ridicule and failure, I don’t blame you. I have wondered the same thing, time
and again.
The producers must have wondered about me, too, after seeing the second
part of the video that we submitted. My ‘director husband’ captures me on
camera during a tropical family vacation in which I suddenly emerge from
the sea of blue, sparkling water. After my exaggerated expressions of finding
myself on the beautiful Caribbean beach, I skip toward the shore, beaded
hair flying in the breeze, and full of pure, inexplicable joy —when BOOM!
—Three children (my own!)— run into me, and knock me to the ground. As
soon as I manage to sit up, I shout with laughter, “I meant without the kids!”


Yes, I confess to submitting videos and applications to be on the show more
than once. I imagine that the overtired judges might have put their fingers in
their ears as I belted out the tune of the Gilligan’s Island theme song, rewritten
in my own words: “Just sit right back, and you’ll hear a tale,… the tale of a
homeschool mom…”
While the words might have been clever, my singing voice has never been one
of my best assets. Nevertheless, creating the videos was always great family
fun.
In contrast to the lighthearted videos, the application questions forced me to
dig deeper. One especially caused me to stop and ponder: “Who is your hero,
and why?”
I soon realized that my heroes were not the former winners of Survivor, or
even the idolized actors or athletes on television. Instead, my thoughts turned
to those unrecognized people who serve God every day in the way they take
care of others. My list of heroes grew to include:

  • The couple down the street who care for a special needs child,
  • A woman who allows her personal anger to dissolve into forgiveness,
  • A friend’s husband who turns away from temptation,
  • Another friend who regrets a past decision, but now helps others not to
    make it,
  • The family who says “yes” to an unexpected child,
  • The couple who commits to counseling to reconcile their dying marriage,
  • A teen addict who seeks help,
  • A single parent who plays both the roles of mom and dad,

    The list goes on, and on, and on, including all who face their challenges by
    choosing love.
    These precious people give, and forgive, when no cameras are rolling, and
    when no crew is watching. These “true survivors” endure hardship and
    heartache which last longer than a mere thirty-nine days. No chance of
    winning a million dollars, or of appearing on Good Morning America loom in
    the future to reward them. These are not sexy super-models, but they are the
    ones who ‘model’ for me who I hope to become.
    Despite my family’s support and our best efforts, I never did receive the call
    to come in for an audition. Yet, as time went on, my dream to be on the show
    remained.
    I tried to rationalize and justify my desires.
    The draw of adding to the diversity in this social experiment appealed to
    me. After all, I reasoned, they needed a Christian homeschooling mom on
    the show! I mean, how many homeschooling moms made it on the set of
    Survivor? Zero! (Of course, it’s questionable if any have actually applied).
    I also wanted justice. I just hated to see someone who lied and cheated get the
    win. Perhaps I could show them that the best strategy is to be truthful and
    trustworthy. Perhaps my mission field would consist of millions of viewers!

  • Mother Teresa’s quote rang in my thoughts: “Don’t look for big things, just
    do small things with great love.” Remembering her words helped to ground
    me, once again, to be content with the everyday roles that God had given me.
    I decided to pray, “Lord, take from me this desire to get away, if it is not of
    You.”
    Then. It. Happened.
    My desire “to get away” became a reality one weekend when I answered an
    invitation to attend a silent women’s retreat with a friend. So wonderful.
    My private room greeted me with fresh-cut flowers, and handwritten notes
    reminding me that others were praying for me. I felt spoiled by the delicious,
    homemade meals prepared for us, and the well-cared for lawns to walk
    throughout. Together, they refreshed my body and soul. I listened in the
    quiet, and I soaked up the devotions that seemed to be delivered just for me.
    “What is reality?” the priest asked. And then, he answered his own question:
    “Reality is the love Christ has for you,” he said, as his words stunned me
    to attention.
    “You might think that you worked hard to plan this weekend away, —but
    Jesus, for all of eternity, has been planning to spend this special time with
    you.”
    I believed that God had orchestrated this whole weekend all along. This
    respite (from the busyness of my routine and draining days) restored and
    refreshed me.
    After time to be still and reflect, to know truth, and to allow my heart to be
    changed, I left rejuvenated and clean, just as if coming out of a warm, soapy
    shower. I returned home as a re-energized wife, and a revitalized mother.
    I realized now that I had agreed to come because of those earlier stirrings
    in my heart to get away. It turns out that I didn’t need to flee to a deserted
    island. Instead, I actually needed to step away and be still for the eyes of my
    heart to be opened to the reality of God’s renewing love for me.


A Love to Last the Ages – A poem by Amber O’Brien


Jesus and me have a date today,
Gonna be half past nine,
He’ll tell me I’m beautiful,
I’ll tell Him, forever, He’s mine.


Jesus and me have a date today,
He’s gonna whisper in my ear,
I’ll tell Him all my worries,
He’ll tell me, “Girl, —never fear.”


For I am His,
And He is mine,
A Love to last the ages.
I’ll share with Him my inner thoughts,
He’ll whisper through the Pages.


Jesus and me have a date today,
I know He’ll be on time,
He’s always been faithful,
Lord, help me, to be, ‘in kind,’


For He’s waiting by the seashore,
My coffee table, too.
Every red light is sacred,
Lord, help me, to be as true.


For I am His,
And He is mine,
A Love to last the ages,
I’ll share with Him my inner thoughts,
He’ll whisper through the Pages.

Wrapped Around the Shepherd’s Neck


If you were a lamb, how would you describe yourself? Obedient, or strong-willed? Have you ever wandered off during your life journey? Perhaps
you have not physically wandered away, but perhaps you have become
emotionally distracted with the appeal of another lamb, one who appears
fun and adventurous. Or, perhaps you ran ahead of The Shepherd in your
excitement for a new grassy field in the distance. What if The Shepherd saw
that you were about to fall off a cliff because of a poor choice?
Imagine Him reaching out and using the end of his shepherd’s crook to save
you from yourself. Your life is spared, but your leg is painfully broken. The
Shepherd kneels down and with his strong, firm hands begins to pick you
up, and places you around his warm neck. At first, you just think about your
pain and become jealous of the other lambs that are frolicking down below.
You writhe in discomfort, and question God with, “Why did you allow my
leg to break?”
Sometimes the agonizing hurt keeps you up at night. “Please, just heal me
now!” you plead. But, in time, you realize that now you are close enough to
hear the beating of the kind shepherd’s broken heart. His tears fall on your
face, and you realize He is suffering with you. You are so close that you can
feel His warm embrace and His compassionate kiss. You discover that being
this close to the faithful shepherd, and hearing Him whisper in your ear is
much better than aimlessly playing down below. You delight in your new
names of ‘Chosen’ and ‘Entrusted.’
While still hurting and sorrowing, you start to pray for the lambs who are
making poor choices, and for those who are also suffering in so many different
ways (hunger, sickness, grief, loneliness, depression, and more). Then you
pray for the entire flock, because you sense how His heart breaks for so many
other grieving lambs, especially for the ones who will not let Him hold them
and accept His healing love.

Then to your surprise, the shepherd declares that your leg is healed and you
are now free to be released and play with the other lambs.
What would you do?


Ode of the Crippled Lamb (poem by Amber O’Brien)


Dancing down the dry and dusty hills,
They plead for me to come down and play,
The leaping lambs bound past the Shepherd,
Wrapped ‘round His shoulders, I long to stay.


This crippled lamb clings to you, Shepherd,
So close I hear you whisper my name,
I am stilled by surrendered suffering,
Your kiss gives me purpose, midst the pain.


Once I followed the flock far from Him,
To a steep cliff, death valley beneath,
A shepherd staff reached down to save me,
My leg crippled in Love’s saving reach.


Sweet love kneels down to bandage my wounds,
He gently pulls me close to His chest,
Limping along, love weeps for my loss,
Healing me with His hot, Holy breath.


They plead for me to come down and play,
Wrapped ‘round His shoulders, I long to stay.


Discussion questions for those that want to delve deeper:

  1. When have you known that you needed to get away from the routine of
    your life?
    Where did you go?
    Do you need to plan for one in your near future?
  2. The author thought that a spot on a reality show would fill her desire. Have
    you ever thought that fame or fortune would bring you fulfillment?
  3. Who is your hero?
    Who do you respect for their generous Love?
  4. In the poem, A Love to Last the Ages, the author finds time throughout the
    day to chat with Jesus. How can you experience similar “mini-getaways”?
  5. Read the Song of Songs, chapter 2. Take out your journal, and ponder with
    your pen. In this love poem in the Bible, God is believed to represent the male
    lover, while we, His Bride, symbolize, “His beloved.” He says He wants you
    to, “Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me,” (v.10). Write
    down the terms of endearment (the adjectives) that He uses for you.
  6. Look up John 14:1-7, and write it out. How do we know The Truth?
  7. In addition, look up Revelation 3:14-21. Who is knocking? Who must
    open the door?
    During the author’s weekend retreat, the Lord works in her heart to help her
    reevaluate her desires, wants, and needs. When you go on your ‘date with Jesus,’
    perhaps, ask Him if there is anything that needs changing in your heart. Write it
    down, and ask for help and strength to be transformed.

Time for Dessert
Set a time to meet with Jesus tomorrow morning, and schedule the date on
your calendar. Grab your Bible, a journal, and a favorite pen. Choose a special
spot to meet.
A handy acronym, that I use, is ACTS.
A = Adoration
Pick an adjective to describe God’s character
and express worship for Who He Is.
C = Contrition
Ask God to shine His light in your heart to reveal any actions or attitudes
that might be harmful. Have honest conversation with Him.
T = Thanksgiving
Write down three good gifts in your life,
and thank God for them out loud.
S = Supplication
List people you care about, and problems that you face today.
Ask God for specific help.
Linger and listen and look to the Word of God for direction, courage, and
comfort. Write down a takeaway from your time such as a Bible verse, a
keyword, or an important thought to remember

Becoming Best Friends with God #11 The Purpose Driven Life Rick Warren

Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence Him.          (Psalm 25:14) 

What is your definition of a friend? Someone who sees the good in you? Someone who keeps your secrets? Perhaps someone who enjoys being with you and you enjoy their company as well? Someone who will forgive you? Someone who you can call at anytime and they will be there for you?

 God is the ultimate best Friend.

 People will always disappoint us, but God will never disappoint His own.

For the scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed”.  (Romans 10:11)

Yes. There will be times when we do not understand the why’s and we do not receive the answer we were hoping for. We live in such a broken, hurting world and to suffer or to watch others suffer is just. so. hard.

I always imagine God’s friendship as being both long term and short term.

Long term will will not be disappointed because we have victory in His resurrection and will be reunited as His children in Heaven.

Short term we have his friendship and during the desert times He shares in our sufferings. He then carries us on His shoulders as the Good shepherd.  During the rainy seasons when we are so joyful, I imagine Him holding our hands and jumping in the puddles with us.

As the saying goes, “A true friend doubles our Joy and divides our sorrow”.  However Friendship cannot be forced and God awaits for you to show interest in having a deeper relationship. Rick Warren writes that Love is spelled T-I-M-E.

So what can you do today to deepen your friendship with God

1. Spend TIME in prayer and reading the Bible each morning. If He is our most important relationship we should run to Him first for help, encouragement and thanksgiving.   

2.  we should chat with God and meditate on His Word throughout our day.  Do you text your friends throughout the day? Try to do this in your mind with God….For example little prayers:   Help Lord!  Thank you God for that. I trust in you. Give me wisdom, Please.     I love you.  You are an Awesome God.  Wow..You are so creative, holy, wonderful, forgiving, loving, generous, etc……….

Try to slow down and use all of you senses and you will start to sense His presence and your eyes will be opened to all the ways he is being a good friend to you.

I promise you Sweet Sister….He will not disappoint you. 

Day 8 Planned for God’s Pleasure Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

The Lord takes pleasure in His people.  Psalm 149:4 

The best marriage advice my husband and I received was ironically from a priest who advised us to “keep dating.”   During our over 27 years of marriage we have chosen different types of dates but the commitment to reconnect and share has always been a constant.  When our children were very young we had a neighborhood babysitter come over once a week and we would have dinner away from the chaos and distractions of our home. When we both worked outside the home,  we started to have lunch dates  together.  I remember  my in-laws asking  my husband what he wanted for his birthday and Dave requesting that the grandparents would care for the children for a long weekend so he could spend time with me. These weekly dates  and occasional longer trips were important, but daily compliments and words of affirmation, phone calls and soft touches each day were needed to ensure that our relationship continued to grow throughout each season and challenge of life.

In Chapter 8 entitled Planned for God’s Pleasure, Rick Warren describes that God created us to worship God and give Him pleasure.  But God wants us to have pleasure too.  He is such a loving God that He desires to have a real love relationship similar to the passion and commitment of a husband and wife with both me and you.  Let me type this one more time as this mystery is beyond human understanding….the God of the Universe wants to spend time with you, enjoys being with you and knows that you will receive the same enjoyment from this as well.  

The last line in Ch. 8 states:

This is what real worship is about- falling in love with Jesus.

So worship Him with others at church each week in music, the scriptures   and in receiving the body and the blood. (date night) See if you can sign up for a day or weekend retreat or mission at your church.

But also seek to find little ways to worship and enjoy the Lord during each week day. For example:  Stop when a beautiful sunrise catches your eyes as you’re running out the door to work; stand still in appreciation and thanksgiving with compliments  “Wow.  Isn’t that Beautiful Jesus! thank you for sharing this with me. You are such a creative God”

Isn’t it wonderful that we were created to be loved by God? Remember Day one and the phrase “you were created by God and for God”?

I encourage you to keep all your senses open to the many ways God is showing His love to you each day. An encouraging text or word from a friend, a verse that seems written just for you and your circumstance, a stunning nature scene etc.

Then return this love with the worship of Thanksgiving and adoration.

I begin each morning with writing the words ACTS in my journal vertically.

A stands for Adoration. God you are so_____(fill in the adjective)

C Stands for Contrition    I am so sorry for ___________

T stands for Thanksgiving     I write three things I am thankful for                1.____2.____3._____

S stands for supplication    I write 10 people I am praying/ advocating for_

Following this framework helps me be less distracted and more focused in my prayer time. Notice that adoration is first. Give God the Glory He so deserves and by doing so all of your  problems will grow small in the face of the beauty, power and goodness of God.

So as a wise man once told me:

Keep Dating. 

Confessions of a Survivor Application Addict

 

Locked in our small powder room, I cling to the phone as my three children knock on the door.
“Mom, she hit me!”  They whine.
“Jacob won’t let me use the computer.”
My husband chimes in with “Amber, have you seen my shoes?”
Ignoring the interruptions I ask my friend on the line, “Have you ever wanted to go to an island and just get away?”  

So begins one of the many videos I have submitted to the reality show, Survivor. If you think I am crazy for wanting to go to a remote location for thirty-nine days and live off the land, eat bugs, wear no makeup (yikes!) and put myself in a situation of possible ridicule and failure, I don’t blame you. I have wondered the same thing time and time again.

The producers must have thought the same thing after seeing the second part of the video we submitted.  My ‘director’ husband created a scene in which I suddenly emerge out of blue sparkling water similar to the scene with Bo Derek in the movie 10. After my exaggerated surprise at being in a beautiful tropical scene, I start to walk toward the shore complete with beaded hair. Boom! My three children run into me and try to knock me down.  As I seek to upright myself I laughingly state, “Make that without children” correcting my fantasy wish.

After some reflection, I realize that the contrast between Bo Derek and me was probably too much for the judges to handle.  I still wonder if they laughed out loud or simply moved their fingers like I was crazy.

Yes, I confess to submitting videos and applications to be on the show. The poor video judges must have held their ears as I sang the Gilligan’s Island theme song complete with new words, “Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, the tale of a homeschool mom…” While the words might have been clever, my singing voice has never been one of my assets.  Nevertheless, creating the videos was always great family fun.

In contrast to the light-hearted videos, the application process forced me to dig deep. One question in particular made me stop and ponder more than the others:

“Who is your hero and why?”

Quickly, I realized that my hero was not a former winner of their show or a famous actor on television.  Instead, I thought of all the unrecognized people serving and caring for God’s people.  My heroes included: parents who care for a terminally ill child or parent, an abused woman who allows her anger and hurt to dissolve into forgiveness, a husband who turns away from temptation, a woman who regrets a past decision and now helps others from making the same mistake, a family who says yes to one more child, a couple who seeks counseling to reconcile a dying marriage, an addict who throws away his addiction because it is destroying his family, the single parent who must play the part of both mom and dad…  the list goes on and on. These people give and forgive when no camera crews are watching. These true survivors endure hardship and heartache often lasting much more thirty-nine days. No odds of winning a million dollars or being a guest on The David Letterman Show. They are not ‘models’ but they model for me who I hope to become.

Despite our family’s best efforts, I never received a call to come and audition. As time went on though, my desire to try again continued. I tried to rationalize and justify my desires. Since the sociology of putting such diverse people in this situation appealed to me, I reasoned they needed a Christian homeschooling mom on the show. I mean, how many homeschooling moms have been on Survivor?  Zero! Of Course, it’s questionable how many have actually applied. I also desired justice, and hated to see someone who lied and cheated win.  I thought perhaps I could show them that the best strategy is to be trustworthy. Perhaps my mission field would consist of millions of viewers.

It was then that I recalled Mother Teresa’s famous saying, “Do small things with great love.”  I was grounded once again as I thought of all the unsung heroes listed above.

I would pray “Lord, take this desire away if it is not of you.”  I would also ask, “Is this just me?”  No, this drive seemed not to be a push from within but a pull from beyond.

Then it happened. My desire to get away became a reality when I went on a silent women’s retreat with a friend. During the 48 hours I began to refocus.  

“What is reality?” The priest asked.  

“Reality is the love of Christ.”  

We were reminded that we are on this earth such a short time in relation to eternity, and we are all called to make the most of the time we have to know, love, and serve Him. My silent retreat was away from the busyness of the day, and far from any Hollywood cameras. What a wonderful and refreshing weekend! I felt spoiled as I enjoyed the delicious food (no bugs) and listened in the peace and quiet. I will never forget how the priest began the first meditation.

“You think that you worked hard to scheme and put together this weekend, but Jesus for all of eternity has been planning this time to be with you.”  

Yes, He had been planning the weekend all along and in it I found once again the reality of His love for me.    

After a short time however, I realized that this time away was not all going to be a romantic bed of roses.

Sometimes God loves us so much that He convicts of something that is harming our body or a relationship with others or with God. 

God convicted me of something that culturally most Christians would not consider a sin.   Slowly God had been bringing others in my path who were walking counter-cultural and I started questioning this choice I was making. Out of obedience I finally surrendered this crutch and realized that I needed to trust God more. As a priest said who walked by and saw my many tears. “God is pruning you, to make you stronger.” When I arrived home I still had work to do to fully to free of this sin, but the relief and joy of being releasing from this hindrance was the best gift that God could ever give. As Jesus proclaimed in John 3: 34

“Amen, amen, I say to you, everyone who commits a sin is a slave to sin.  A slave does not remain in a household forever, but a son always remains.  So is the son frees you, they you will truly be free.”

Jesus Christ is the truth. He came so that we could see reality of how sin slowly destroys our relationships. Sin poisons our bodies and souls.

The only way we can know Truth is to spend time in the presence of Jesus. For He is the way, the truth and the life.

Randy Alcorn explains, “Jesus is the source of all truth, the embodiment of truth and therefore the reference point of evaluating all truth-claims.”

The more time we spend in His presence and reading His word, the more we can know what “truth is” and to be protected from the lies of the enemy.

How mind blowing is this: The King of Kings wants to sit and chat with you. You don’t need to go to a deserted Island or even a weekend away. I suggest  sitting with a pen and paper and start reading from the Gospel of John.  A  10 minute retreat each morning will change you from the inside out.

You don’t need to escape your life, you need to allow the eyes of your heart to be opened to the Reality of God’s deep love for you.