Ch. 3 from Amber O’Brien’s book, “Love.Always.Wins.”
~~Sometimes Love Means Planning a Retreat~~
Locked in our small powder room, I cling to the phone with my friend
on the other end while my three children knock on the door and call
out, “Mom, she hit me!” and, “Jacob won’t let me use the computer!”
Then my husband chimes in with, “Amber, have you seen my shoes?”
Ignoring the interruptions, I ask my friend on the line, “Have you ever wanted
to just get away to a deserted island?”
This scene is actually the opening of one of the many hilarious videos that
I have submitted to the reality show, Survivor. If you think I am crazy for
wanting to go to a remote location for thirty-nine days to live off the land,
eat bugs, wear no makeup (yikes!) and to put myself in a situation that risks
ridicule and failure, I don’t blame you. I have wondered the same thing, time
and again.
The producers must have wondered about me, too, after seeing the second
part of the video that we submitted. My ‘director husband’ captures me on
camera during a tropical family vacation in which I suddenly emerge from
the sea of blue, sparkling water. After my exaggerated expressions of finding
myself on the beautiful Caribbean beach, I skip toward the shore, beaded
hair flying in the breeze, and full of pure, inexplicable joy —when BOOM!
—Three children (my own!)— run into me, and knock me to the ground. As
soon as I manage to sit up, I shout with laughter, “I meant without the kids!”
Yes, I confess to submitting videos and applications to be on the show more
than once. I imagine that the overtired judges might have put their fingers in
their ears as I belted out the tune of the Gilligan’s Island theme song, rewritten
in my own words: “Just sit right back, and you’ll hear a tale,… the tale of a
homeschool mom…”
While the words might have been clever, my singing voice has never been one
of my best assets. Nevertheless, creating the videos was always great family
fun.
In contrast to the lighthearted videos, the application questions forced me to
dig deeper. One especially caused me to stop and ponder: “Who is your hero,
and why?”
I soon realized that my heroes were not the former winners of Survivor, or
even the idolized actors or athletes on television. Instead, my thoughts turned
to those unrecognized people who serve God every day in the way they take
care of others. My list of heroes grew to include:
- The couple down the street who care for a special needs child,
- A woman who allows her personal anger to dissolve into forgiveness,
- A friend’s husband who turns away from temptation,
- Another friend who regrets a past decision, but now helps others not to
make it, - The family who says “yes” to an unexpected child,
- The couple who commits to counseling to reconcile their dying marriage,
- A teen addict who seeks help,
- A single parent who plays both the roles of mom and dad,
The list goes on, and on, and on, including all who face their challenges by
choosing love.
These precious people give, and forgive, when no cameras are rolling, and
when no crew is watching. These “true survivors” endure hardship and
heartache which last longer than a mere thirty-nine days. No chance of
winning a million dollars, or of appearing on Good Morning America loom in
the future to reward them. These are not sexy super-models, but they are the
ones who ‘model’ for me who I hope to become.
Despite my family’s support and our best efforts, I never did receive the call
to come in for an audition. Yet, as time went on, my dream to be on the show
remained.
I tried to rationalize and justify my desires.
The draw of adding to the diversity in this social experiment appealed to
me. After all, I reasoned, they needed a Christian homeschooling mom on
the show! I mean, how many homeschooling moms made it on the set of
Survivor? Zero! (Of course, it’s questionable if any have actually applied).
I also wanted justice. I just hated to see someone who lied and cheated get the
win. Perhaps I could show them that the best strategy is to be truthful and
trustworthy. Perhaps my mission field would consist of millions of viewers!
Mother Teresa’s quote rang in my thoughts: “Don’t look for big things, just
do small things with great love.” Remembering her words helped to ground
me, once again, to be content with the everyday roles that God had given me.
I decided to pray, “Lord, take from me this desire to get away, if it is not of
You.”
Then. It. Happened.
My desire “to get away” became a reality one weekend when I answered an
invitation to attend a silent women’s retreat with a friend. So wonderful.
My private room greeted me with fresh-cut flowers, and handwritten notes
reminding me that others were praying for me. I felt spoiled by the delicious,
homemade meals prepared for us, and the well-cared for lawns to walk
throughout. Together, they refreshed my body and soul. I listened in the
quiet, and I soaked up the devotions that seemed to be delivered just for me.
“What is reality?” the priest asked. And then, he answered his own question:
“Reality is the love Christ has for you,” he said, as his words stunned me
to attention.
“You might think that you worked hard to plan this weekend away, —but
Jesus, for all of eternity, has been planning to spend this special time with
you.”
I believed that God had orchestrated this whole weekend all along. This
respite (from the busyness of my routine and draining days) restored and
refreshed me.
After time to be still and reflect, to know truth, and to allow my heart to be
changed, I left rejuvenated and clean, just as if coming out of a warm, soapy
shower. I returned home as a re-energized wife, and a revitalized mother.
I realized now that I had agreed to come because of those earlier stirrings
in my heart to get away. It turns out that I didn’t need to flee to a deserted
island. Instead, I actually needed to step away and be still for the eyes of my
heart to be opened to the reality of God’s renewing love for me.
A Love to Last the Ages – A poem by Amber O’Brien
Jesus and me have a date today,
Gonna be half past nine,
He’ll tell me I’m beautiful,
I’ll tell Him, forever, He’s mine.
Jesus and me have a date today,
He’s gonna whisper in my ear,
I’ll tell Him all my worries,
He’ll tell me, “Girl, —never fear.”
For I am His,
And He is mine,
A Love to last the ages.
I’ll share with Him my inner thoughts,
He’ll whisper through the Pages.
Jesus and me have a date today,
I know He’ll be on time,
He’s always been faithful,
Lord, help me, to be, ‘in kind,’
For He’s waiting by the seashore,
My coffee table, too.
Every red light is sacred,
Lord, help me, to be as true.
For I am His,
And He is mine,
A Love to last the ages,
I’ll share with Him my inner thoughts,
He’ll whisper through the Pages.
Wrapped Around the Shepherd’s Neck
If you were a lamb, how would you describe yourself? Obedient, or strong-willed? Have you ever wandered off during your life journey? Perhaps
you have not physically wandered away, but perhaps you have become
emotionally distracted with the appeal of another lamb, one who appears
fun and adventurous. Or, perhaps you ran ahead of The Shepherd in your
excitement for a new grassy field in the distance. What if The Shepherd saw
that you were about to fall off a cliff because of a poor choice?
Imagine Him reaching out and using the end of his shepherd’s crook to save
you from yourself. Your life is spared, but your leg is painfully broken. The
Shepherd kneels down and with his strong, firm hands begins to pick you
up, and places you around his warm neck. At first, you just think about your
pain and become jealous of the other lambs that are frolicking down below.
You writhe in discomfort, and question God with, “Why did you allow my
leg to break?”
Sometimes the agonizing hurt keeps you up at night. “Please, just heal me
now!” you plead. But, in time, you realize that now you are close enough to
hear the beating of the kind shepherd’s broken heart. His tears fall on your
face, and you realize He is suffering with you. You are so close that you can
feel His warm embrace and His compassionate kiss. You discover that being
this close to the faithful shepherd, and hearing Him whisper in your ear is
much better than aimlessly playing down below. You delight in your new
names of ‘Chosen’ and ‘Entrusted.’
While still hurting and sorrowing, you start to pray for the lambs who are
making poor choices, and for those who are also suffering in so many different
ways (hunger, sickness, grief, loneliness, depression, and more). Then you
pray for the entire flock, because you sense how His heart breaks for so many
other grieving lambs, especially for the ones who will not let Him hold them
and accept His healing love.
Then to your surprise, the shepherd declares that your leg is healed and you
are now free to be released and play with the other lambs.
What would you do?
Ode of the Crippled Lamb (poem by Amber O’Brien)
Dancing down the dry and dusty hills,
They plead for me to come down and play,
The leaping lambs bound past the Shepherd,
Wrapped ‘round His shoulders, I long to stay.
This crippled lamb clings to you, Shepherd,
So close I hear you whisper my name,
I am stilled by surrendered suffering,
Your kiss gives me purpose, midst the pain.
Once I followed the flock far from Him,
To a steep cliff, death valley beneath,
A shepherd staff reached down to save me,
My leg crippled in Love’s saving reach.
Sweet love kneels down to bandage my wounds,
He gently pulls me close to His chest,
Limping along, love weeps for my loss,
Healing me with His hot, Holy breath.
They plead for me to come down and play,
Wrapped ‘round His shoulders, I long to stay.
Discussion questions for those that want to delve deeper:
- When have you known that you needed to get away from the routine of
your life?
Where did you go?
Do you need to plan for one in your near future? - The author thought that a spot on a reality show would fill her desire. Have
you ever thought that fame or fortune would bring you fulfillment? - Who is your hero?
Who do you respect for their generous Love? - In the poem, A Love to Last the Ages, the author finds time throughout the
day to chat with Jesus. How can you experience similar “mini-getaways”? - Read the Song of Songs, chapter 2. Take out your journal, and ponder with
your pen. In this love poem in the Bible, God is believed to represent the male
lover, while we, His Bride, symbolize, “His beloved.” He says He wants you
to, “Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me,” (v.10). Write
down the terms of endearment (the adjectives) that He uses for you. - Look up John 14:1-7, and write it out. How do we know The Truth?
- In addition, look up Revelation 3:14-21. Who is knocking? Who must
open the door?
During the author’s weekend retreat, the Lord works in her heart to help her
reevaluate her desires, wants, and needs. When you go on your ‘date with Jesus,’
perhaps, ask Him if there is anything that needs changing in your heart. Write it
down, and ask for help and strength to be transformed.
Time for Dessert
Set a time to meet with Jesus tomorrow morning, and schedule the date on
your calendar. Grab your Bible, a journal, and a favorite pen. Choose a special
spot to meet.
A handy acronym, that I use, is ACTS.
A = Adoration
Pick an adjective to describe God’s character
and express worship for Who He Is.
C = Contrition
Ask God to shine His light in your heart to reveal any actions or attitudes
that might be harmful. Have honest conversation with Him.
T = Thanksgiving
Write down three good gifts in your life,
and thank God for them out loud.
S = Supplication
List people you care about, and problems that you face today.
Ask God for specific help.
Linger and listen and look to the Word of God for direction, courage, and
comfort. Write down a takeaway from your time such as a Bible verse, a
keyword, or an important thought to remember