If Love is Not a feeling…..then what is it? by Amber O’Brien


Love is Long-suffering….Love bears all things, believes all things,  hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

I Corinthians 13 

Dear Sweet Sister:

Do you know what true love looks like? A fellow sweet sister and her husband who deals with chronic back pain sat down for a meal this past weekend with my husband and I.

But Her husband couldn’t even sit long enough to finish his lunch as standing is just a little. less. painful. than sitting. He stood at the outdoor restaurant, not to see the view but to find some relief from his chronic back pain. The same pain that has progressed  over two decades as they continually seek medical care and God’s intervention. This was their first outing in months together as the pain has recently intensified.  His face (too young for a cane) grimaced in pain as he slowly walked using a cane to steady himself. My heart hurt just watching him suffer and I could only imagine the long-suffering heart of his wife who cares for him each and every day.

She patiently “waits”  on God as she also lovingly “waits” on her husband. For months she would bring food upstairs to the bed as it was too painful to help him move downstairs.  She  has chosen commitment over fleeing, so most days she is housebound too.  However, her example of faithfulness reaches to her children and to me and to so many others like the ripple effect of a stone tossed in a pond.

She spoke these words across the table as gently as her life demonstrates them.

Love is not a feeling……..Love is a commitment.

She faithfully  holds on to her marriage vows of “Better or for Worse” with one hand while her other hand clutches onto God’s promises to be faithful to her and her family.

Her greatest concern is her children’s “Character” and oh what a real life lesson they see day in and out as both their parents remain steadfast in hope and trust in God despite failed procedures and chronic pain.

She has an eternal perspective and talks about this earth being just a “blip” compared to eternity.

She is committed to God and to her husband. She desires for her children to someday have spouses and most of all “to be” spouses who know what true love means.

She. Is. More. Beautiful to me than any runway model.

She models true unselfish, everlasting, committed Love.

What should you do sweet sister when the feelings fade? When life disappoints?  When you want to flee? To give up?

Look to God’s love in flesh on the cross. Did Jesus feel like carrying his cross? Did He feel like staying on the cross? Remember Him in the garden begging that this bitter cup would be taken away? He was all human and all God.   Jesus could have come down at anytime.

But He stayed. He stayed because He loves you and wants to spend eternity with you.

Love Stayed.

Love provided a way.

Love. Always. Wins.     Because…………

Love is not a feeling…..Love is a commitment.




4 thoughts on “If Love is Not a feeling…..then what is it? by Amber O’Brien”

  1. Awesome! So beautifully written. I went through a similar process with my husband now deceased. I thank God I learned that lesson, it gives me peace and the strength to go on.

    1. Dear Shelly,
      I am so so sorry of the loss of your husband. What a great point you have made that If we love with God’s sacrificial love, than we will have God’s perfect peace. Do you belong to a small group of like-minded sisters?
      “Lord, thank you that you promise to be Shelly’s husband and to provide for her. Please provide sisters to surround her with your love, hope and healing.”
      In His Love, amber

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