I just love all the pithy pickle phrases that is part of being on the pickleball courts. My first goal for my partner and I, if we start falling behind and feeling anxious, is to be “unpickled“.
To be pickled means: to be skunked and end of with 0 points…so I get excited when we get that first point and I yell out, “We can’t be pickled now!”
But how do we get “unpickled” in life? How do we keep from the vinegar of life that can slowly turn us into sour pickles?
What is the opposite of vinegar ? I say sugar…like the sugar sprinkled out from our Dear Heavenly Father’s hands this past weekend. Let me explain.
A small gathering of some sweet sisters occurred and we listened to the Sept. 8th first5.org audio taping on the topic of the tension of being in exile in the bible (like Adam and Eve banished from the garden, the Israelites wandering in the desert, Joseph being sold into slavery…etc..) and then we discussed how this all related to the times in our lives when we felt unrooted …or our children were unrooted and our “mommy hearts” were torn in the process.
One sister shared how she was unrooted a lot as a child because her dad was in the military, another sister feels torn between home and a job that are in different locations, one friend has a child who was exiling themselves by bad choices….another whose long season as a mother had ended with an empty nest. Now what?
We all could relate to being exiled like so many biblical men and women who often were confused, hurt, anxious etc…. when God allowed painful times of Exile.
One sister recently made the tough decision to shake their adult child out of the warm nest of her home…. knowing that this was best long-term for the child.
Our “pickle” was slowly becoming…….unpickled!
So this must be why Our Heavenly Father shakes us up too!
We discussed how Long -term God knows what is best for each of us and that when we become too comfortable, this can create weak spiritual muscles.
Our good good father loves you So much my sister….so if He has shaken you up and out of your comfortable nest, it is so that your wings will start to flap and grow stronger and as a result you will grow closer to God as you soar higher with Joy in your heart.
What can you do to strengthen your spiritual muscles while you wait?
But those who (wait, hope, trust) in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings on eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:13
Whether you have tried Pickle-ball or not…..hang with me please.
“One Point At a Time”
Sometimes on the playground of a pickleball court we find glimpses of how God wants us to live spiritually.
When my partner and I have been behind on points, I will encouragingly say, ” One point at a time.”
I’m reminding myself and my partner to not stress over the 5 or 6 more points that we would most “like” to have. but to just focus on the next point.
Similarly, a sweet soul sister reminded me today that we need to focus on “one person (soul) at a time.”
She continued with,,, ” Then it spreads, they talk to another person and the chain continues to grow.”
“Yes!” I agreed. Jesus would stop and focus on the person in front of him.
One person at a time. Nothing more or less.
Each person’s soul is priceless and worth Jesus dying on the cross for….Each person that crosses our path is a masterpiece worth our time, attention, love and prayers.
So Let’s Love the person in front of us today…Love.Always.Wins.
I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in Him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. John 15:5
Dear Sweet Sister:
Have you ever been in a vineyard? During a visit to Napa Valley to celebrate my husband’s Jubilee birthday, I had the privilege of touring a working vineyard.
Jesus uses the grape vine as an allegory to show us how He wants our relationship to be with Him and thus I excitedly peppered the tour guide with lots of questions so I could understand better this desired relationship.
Jesus the vine is to be our source for food and water
The vine is similar to the trunk of a tree and all the nutrients and water come up out of the vine to feed the branches. Jesus is to be our one true source that we cling to throughout the day for refreshment, comfort, encouragement, accountability and companionship.
A young lady shared with me this morning of how easy it is for her to just turn on the TV rather than to spend time reading the Bible and praying.
What is drawing your attention away? A branch seperated from the vine will eventually wither up and die. How can we thrive instead and bear much fruit?
I personally have found that I need to set boundaries to ensure that I remain close to Jesus.
At the start of the day….I have decided to NOT look at emails, the news or Facebook until I have had sweet time with Jesus. I have a special chair in a room away from my bed and once I make my morning tea and open my journal and Bible, our date begins.
In the journal I write down the ACTS (adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, and supplications ) so to structure my time and keep my thoughts from wandering. I try to follow a study such as first5.org or meditate on a small portion of the Bible. I am learning to listen and just sit and enjoy the presence of God. You were created for God’s pleasure and He truly wants to spend time with you.
Years ago, I would struggle to sit for too long, but as time has passed I now spend longer and longer during my morning date with Jesus and ironically I now struggle with having to leave as it is my favorite part of the day.
Hi Sweet Sister! Something a little weird just happened. So as I was seeking God on what my New Year’s resolutions should be, a friend who I haven’t seen for a long while texted me:
” You visited me in a dream last night. Encouraged me to keep reading Scripture, but also to declutter my house. It was great! I needed that kick in the pants. Please visit again soon! Merry Christmas!”
I responded to her text with, “LOL, I need to do both those things, ……”
I felt like her dream was me literally preaching to myself.
Because isn’t that in a nutshell of what we as followers of Christ need to do.?
1. declutter daily ( I’m talking spiritually now)
2. fill up with the Scriptures and all that is good.
So Here’s a quick refresher on how to do this:
So what should we do Sweet Sister?
First, what should our number one focus and priority be as Christians ?
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden of sin that clings (distracts us) to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith.” Hebrews 12 : 1-2
Our goal to to run after Jesus keeping our eyes fixed on Him, to stay on the narrow path and to invite as many of our friends and family to come join the race.
So ask yourself these two questions?
What is weighing me down or distracting me from following closer to Jesus? Is a person, social media, a hobby, an addiction, T.V., clutter, love of sleep..?…..What do I do first when I wake up instead of spending a date with Jesus? What do I need to take away so I have more room to grow in my relationship with Jesus?
How can I be sure to stay close to Jesus in 2024? Do I need to go to bed earlier? wake up earlier? make a pact to not look at emails or Facebook until I have sat in quiet and became still before my Lord and Savior? To not exercise my body until I have exercised my soul? Maybe decide to read the good news before I read or watch the depressing news on T.V?
We are promised be bear good fruit, if we remain close to Jesus. So this needs to be our Top priority. He will guide us each morning as to all the other goals. We don’t know what the future will hold and what we will face, but if we meet with God and walk and talk with Him on a daily basis, we will know at the right time what we should do. When we have our “date time” then we can ask…How can I take better care of the body you gave me? How should I handle this business decision? How can I show Love to this person who really rubs me the wrong way?
Now this is really important Sister. Write down what you plan to get rid of and hand it over to Jesus. You need to make room for Jesus and so some housekeeping must occur in your heart. Don’t just think about it….write it down. now:)
Next, write down how you plan to improve or add your personal relationship with Jesus. Will you make a commitment to not look at Facebook or emails when you wake up until you chat with the one who loves you the most ? Or make a commitment to attend your church more ? and Join a small group bible study?
Just as an athlete makes sacrifices and trains with others that are like- minded, as Christians we need to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and find like-minded sisters to keep us accountable and encourage us.
So Write down what you will remove from your life or only do after you spend time with Jesus……….and then write when and where you will meet him for your daily “Date”. I have a special place and chair and if I fail to allow for some good, sweet time to chat with Jesus and tell Him what’s on my heart, I imagine in my mind’s eye that He quietly waits until I do make time. Love is patient and He will not force His love but quietly waits for us to make room. I hope we look back on 2024 as the year that no matter what happened around us or to us that we kept our eyes fixed on Jesus and we persevered in running the race.
Clunk. She dropped the phone and started to sob uncontrollably.
Hearing only the dial tone, I collapsed in a nearby chair stunned by my own words. I could only wonder how my dear friend would respond as she sat in her wheelchair in a psychiatric day room while she recovered from a stroke. Would she follow through on her threats to end her life ? Did I just push her over the edge?
Two-and-a-half years before this call, I had moved right next door to her and we had often chatted while our children played. Soon I discovered her grief due to the recent loss of her father, along with other stressful life changes. But as the months passed, Cindy seemed to be stuck in her sorrow. Because of the continuous blue days, she enlisted a psychiatrist and received medications, yet nothing seemed to alleviate her pain. In addition, sleepless nights and panic attacks escalated into a severe clinical depression.
My heart hurt for her as I watched her struggle. I doubled some meals to share with her family, and her three children often spent time in my home as I helped them with schoolwork. I held her hand while she cried, and often prayed for her. However, my words never seemed to sink in.
During this time, I observed Cindy’s unending freefall into the depths of unsuccessful treatments that seemed to make her situation worse, not better. I felt so helpless. Admission to the hospital seven separate times proved fruitless for her, even while different combinations of medications had been prescribed. Horror shook me the day I noticed the black and blue marks that ran all the way up and down her arms because of the needles used to put her under for electrical shock treatments. As a last resort, my friend submitted to ECT which erased her memory and left her in a zombie-like state and with no expression on her face.
Equally painful was the awareness I had of the profound effects that Cindy’s illness caused for her children. Her voice flat, her words few, and her lack of awareness about her family shadowed the entire household.
Medical setback, after setback, seemed to fling Cindy deeper into depression. Where was God? I wondered. Why won’t you help this family?
Then the depression penetrated so deeply that Cindy attempted suicide. One day, after her family had left the house for school and work, she swallowed a bottle of pills. Her husband found her in time and drove her to the emergency room. She screamed, “NO! I want to die! Leave me alone!” again and again as they pumped her stomach.
In contrast, right next door in our own home, my two little girls and I felt excitement as we prepared for our third baby. But to our great shock, Megan was born three months early, and soon rested in the clear plastic incubator in the NICU. I sat in a wheelchair beside her, dazed, and sore with the staples in my stomach from the emergency cesarean.
Two days later on Christmas morning , I found myself still alone and confused in my stark, white hospital bed. They released me so that I could go home to be with my family, but Megan would need to stay in the NICU and would not be coming with me. Why did you allow this to happen, Lord? I pleaded fervently, Please , please, don’t let my baby die!
~~~
On January 30th in a psychiatric hospital not far away, my dear friend, Cindy, experienced a hypertensive crisis. After being transferred to a local shock trauma center, she underwent surgery due to a stroke and remained in ICU. Now Cindy lay paralyzed, unable to speak or move. So now, in addition to battling depression, she became a patient incapable of attending to her own personal needs of bathing, dressing, feeding herself, and walking.
It was only three days later on February 2nd, that I sat, again, in another hospital holding my precious baby girl for the very last time. After forty long days of ups and downs, the doctor informed us that her little organs had begun to permanently shut down. I held my tiny daughter in my arms as she breathed her last while my husband cried softly in the corner of the room.
During this final moment that I held our infant daughter, I sensed a supernatural peace. I knew for certain that Megan, an innocent baby, was now “healed in heaven,” and safe in the arms of Jesus.
I absolutely felt God’s peace and presence that day, but as the weeks after her death crawled by, my initial numbness melted away. I felt overcome with disappointment and anger.
Cindy became more and more angry at God too.
In fact, Cindy’s anger prevented her from following instructions, and she decided to stop taking her medication and food altogether. That is when Cindy’s husband called to inform me that, “Tomorrow they will have to put a tube down her throat to force feed her.”
Suddenly, my compassion for Cindy turned to anger. When I heard that she was making a conscious decision to end her life, then I had had enough. My own loss over Megan’s death fueled my passion as I picked up the phone to call Cindy.
Her ears recognized my voice, but not my stern, authoritative tone. “I heard you have stopped eating?” I started.
“That’s right,” she answered. After a pause, she continued. “Maybe when I’m dead and gone, then everyone will realize how sick I really was, and they’ll be sorry. Mark will be sorry he didn’t take my illness more seriously.”
“Cindy —NO ONE is going to feel sorry for you if you die. They are going to feel sorry for Mark who would be left alone with three small children. Life will go on if you die. Sure, Mark will grieve for a little while, but then he will marry another woman! Someone else who will then take care of your children! They need you, Cindy! They are not being properly cared for.” “That’s Mark’s job now,” she retorted.
“NO, it isn’t! You are the mother. You have been very strong-willed and selfcentered. All you have thought about is yourself and your needs. You never flick an eye to help others, not even your own family. You’re so wrapped up in anger and resentment that you can’t see beyond the tip of your nose!”
That is when she dropped the phone out of her hand that had been propped on the wheelchair. Clunk! Unbeknownst to me, she began to sob so loudly that staff ran to her and took her back to her room.
A few hours later, providentially, a pastor visited to talk and to pray with her.
He reminded her about how God valued her life, and about how her family loved her and needed her. Later that afternoon, Cindy pondered my piercing words that paved the way for her to hear the warmth of God’s love for her spoken by the minister.
Over the next few weeks, Cindy worked with a physical therapist every day as she recovered from the damage done by the stroke. From relearning to feed herself and to walk again, she made steady progress.
After time to reflect, Cindy made an important phone call to her husband. “Mark —I want to tell you! I gave my life to Christ last night! I could hardly sleep all night! —I was so full of joy!”
Cindy progressed physically, but I was most excited about her new desire to pray and to memorize scripture. I wrote out Bible verses for her which she taped to the wall next to her hospital bed and she memorized each one. Not long after, she asked God to help her to forgive her father and all the other ones who had hurt her. Cindy began to pray, keep a journal, and listen to a Christian radio station.
Four months after the stroke, she finally returned home. Even though she had more speech, occupational, and physical therapy ahead of her, and she couldn’t even drive a car for a few more months, her depression had lifted. Day by day, I watched as God healed her physically, mentally, and spiritually.
One morning, I visited her home while she was still recovering and sitting in a rolling chair. She shone with gratefulness as she explained to me that she wanted to buy pizza for all those still left behind in the psychiatric ward. In addition to her awareness of others, I noticed that her eyes often looked upward when she shared about even the smallest reason for thanksgiving that others might take for granted. “I was taking a bath and noticed my toes!
How amazing of God to give us toes so that we can balance.”
Twenty-five years later, even though other life hardships and challenges have taken place, Cindy has not fallen back into depression. Now she peer coaches others who are hurting in her church and in the surrounding community, and she shares her amazing testimony of God’s faithfulness.
Both of my prayer requests for healing were answered for my dear friend and for my beautiful baby.
One healed on earth, the other healed in heaven.
* * *
Surrender
(short poem)
He stretched out his wounded hands,
and embraced the world,
“Father, forgive them,
for they know not what they do.”
Then He surrendered His Spirit,
And His will to His father.
Oh, this is Love.
After Rising from the dead,
He once more stretched out his nail-scarred hands,
And said, “Peace be with you,”
A trinity of times.
He then breathed out His Spirit
“Forgive, as I forgive.”
Oh, this is Love.
* * *
Mary’s Love Song
Poem
Its already been a long road,
They judge and stare at me,
Every door was closed in Bethlehem,
But your Love rescues me.
They already try to kill Him,
King Herod makes us flee,
A sword will pierce this mother’s heart,
But your Love sets me free.
Heaven, Manna from Heaven,
Purest of Love and Light,
Rests in my arms tonight,
Heaven, I’m holding Heaven,
And. All. Will. Be. Made. Right.
All will be made right… through Jesus,
All will be made right,
Heaven’s best sent down to save us, so,
All. Will. Be. Made. Right.
Both the Holy Lamb of Heaven,
and All-Mighty God is He,
He comes to break the chains of sin,
To set All people free.
In this world we will have trouble,
So He came to hold our hands,
Our story ends in victory,
Heaven for those who stand.
Heaven, Manna from Heaven,
Purest of Love and Light,
Rests in my arms tonight,
Heaven, I’m holding Heaven,
And. All. Will. Be. Made. Right.
All will be made right… through Jesus,
All will be made right,
Heaven’s best sent down to save us, so,
All . Will. Be. Made. Right.
* * *
The Pieta’s Peace
~~Sometimes winning means letting go~~
I couldn’t stop gazing at her hands. Carved from white marble, they did not tightly grip him, but they gently cradled his limp body upon her lap. Her left hand lay open with its palm facing upward as her beautiful, serene face admired her lifeless son.
St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City overwhelmed me as I knew I could never take in all the meaning and beauty within a single visit. One of the largest churches in the world, as well as a masterpiece of architecture, it contains numerous chapels and altars with lavish decorations, renaissance paintings, mosaics, and sculptures.
Despite the numerous fascinating art adhering to every ceiling, wall, and floor in the massive cathedral that houses the tomb of St. Peter, I felt drawn back to Mary’s hands. The smooth, small relinquished open palms portrayed in the masterpiece, The Pieta, by the world-renowned sculptor, Michelangelo, spoke to my own grieving heart.
The Pieta depicts a moment just after Jesus is taken down from the cross, and when his mother, Mary, holds him in her lap one last time. The sculpture, chiseled out of stone 1500 years prior, mesmerizes crowds today who stand in silence to comprehend the heart-wrenching experience of Mary. The son who the angel had promised would be called the Son of God, lay dead in her arms after the long torture of scourging by whips, rejection and mocking by men, and dying the horrendous, slow death of suffocaton on the cross. Despite this treatment, Jesus demonstrated love until His last dying words which extended forgiveness for those who hurt him.
I kept wandering back to this stunning statue to ponder the secret of Mary’s beautiful, peaceful face. The answer, I realized, lay in those open, trusting hands. Mary’s hands still rested palm up while Jesus lay on her lap. Meanwhile, my own heart and hands tightly gripped a loved one back home who faced a difficult situation.
Captivated by The Pieta and the message it carried, I decided to google Michelangelo and his timeless sculpture. At the early age of six, after losing his mother to a long period of illness, Michelangelo was sent to stay with his uncle, a stone cutter. After suffering such a tragic loss at such a tender age, Michelangelo knew the agony of grief. Perhaps, though, he also learned how God could reconcile loss as he stepped into his career as an artist using the skills he learned in his uncle’s workshop.
The word “pieta” literally means “pity, compassion, and suffering.” Michelangelo revealed later that he did not want his version of the Pieta to represent death, but rather “to show the religious vision of abandonment.” Abandonment. Yes, that is what those surrendering hands demonstrate.
I interpreted the scene as Mary trusting in God, and giving back to Him the gift that had been given to her so many years before. I wondered if the sculpture that took two years to complete could have been Michelangelo’s gift back to God. Maybe he learned as a young boy the secret of abandonment, letting go, and he displayed that serenity that is reflected in the carving of Mary’s face. Perhaps he desired to share with others the peace that could be found when one loosens their grip, and stops trying to hold on so hard.
The image of the Pieta rested in my mind even when I’d returned to our accommodations that evening. Kneeling beside the bed, I stretched out my hands, palms turned upward, and I placed my own struggling loved one back into God’s strong, loving, and dependable hands. Yielding, I released this special one to God, and said out loud, “I give her back to you. She is Yours.”
I continued to pray this, “prayer of abandonment,” whenever an anxious thought gripped me. I chose to release my own expectations and demands, and made room for God to intervene and work. As I handed her back to God, I felt peace. My surrender led to to sweet, indescrible peace, as beautiful as the expression on Mary’s serene face.
* * *
* * *
Discussion questions for those who want to delve deeper:
The Story of Cindy Narup, produced by Unshackled, the award-winning radio drama through The Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago is Episode #2616, February 2001. While first created in English, one can now listen to Cindy’s story on the website, Unshacked.org, in Korean, Polish, Romanian, Russian, and Spanish. Thousands have tuned in to hear her story from around the world. In truth, we all face the challenges of being shackled by selfish attitudes and choices. But, God’s powerful and constant love can set us free. What did Cindy finally do to let God in?
Look up Proverbs 27:6 and Proverbs 24:26. Do you appreciate when afriend is honest with you? How can we know when to speak up, or when to be silent? (Remember in the previous chapter, Not Guilty and The Garden of Paradise, that the author confronted a friend when the best action in that case actually would have been to be quiet and listen).
Look up 2 Corinthians 5:17. How does this passage describe Cindy? Whatother analogies remind you of transformation?
Who has God arranged as your neighbor? Whose path do you cross often?The author grew to love Cindy as they spent time together, and attempted to express love to her neighbor in multiple practical ways. If Cindy had not had a close relationship with the author, then could the phone call have ended badly?
The poem, Mary’s Love Song, proclaims the final victory that will result because of Jesus. Look up Colossians 1:19-20. What is God’s will for all things? How does this need to be accomplished? While you are in Colossians, chapter one, read verse 17. Can you trust Him to hold you and your family together? Now, extra slow, read Colossians 1:15-23. What is your role as described in this passage?
Read again, slowly, the poem, The Pieta’s Peace. Study the sketch of this famous masterpiece. Especially observe the position of Mary’s hands. Think about what, or who, you might be gripping?
Look up Luke 7:36-50. How do we receive true peace?
* * *
Time for Dessert
Write a letter to someone who has hurt you. Write out all your anger and resentment that you have been holding inside. Now rip the letter up and go forward !
I recently attended a tea party fit for a princess. My generous friend shared her gift of hospitality with five of us and considered every detail. She greeted us with warm enthusiastic hugs individually as each one arrived at her door. Real china and crystal candelabras set the lavish table, and soon, the scones, quiche, and chocolate-covered strawberries followed. As the tea steeped, she asked clever questions of each guest so as to connect us all in a positive manner and to help the conversation to flow.
But then… the sweet picture-perfect scene turned sour.
The conversation spiraled into negative sharing about our husbands. Light- hearted jokes snowballed into complaints and ungratefulness. Regrettably, I laughed along and joined the banter.
But then… the gracious and wise hostess offered the suggestion that turned back the tide of our elegant tea party. “Why don’t we go around the table and say something good about our husbands?” she encouraged us. “Okay? I’ll start…” she began.
My friend shared a cherished routine that her and her husband enjoy when he returns home from a business trip. Soon after he’s home again, they dress up (her husband puts on a dinner jacket), and they dance in the kitchen to celebrate!
Now the energy flowed as each woman shared a positive point about her husband. One couple, we learned, text each other the words of their favorite songs during the day as a code for romantic messages. A chorus of women giggled, “That’s so beautiful! We love that idea!”
After taking a sip of the now simmered tea, another friend thought of how her husband always complimented her in public, and how she wanted to be more like him in this way.
The previous drip-dripping of negativity that wears away at relationships, turned into a rain of refreshment. Our time together resulted in new ideas and in a renewed appreciation of our loved ones.
In the book of Proverbs, the impact of a wife’s nagging and negative words is compared to an irritating leak…drip, drip, drip.
“A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip on a rainy day.” Proverbs 27:15
In addition, the book of Judges tells the story of strong Samson and the constant imploring words of Delilah. She ‘nags him to death’ and he eventually reveals the actual secret of his hidden strength. This results not only in Samson’s eyes being dug out, but also in him being chained in bondage until the end of his life.
Words can tear down and words can build up. Smearing the dirt on our husbands is like rolling in the mud for everybody to see because we are one unit as husband and wife.
I know the excuses we tend to give because I’ve used them myself. “I’m just venting,” or, “My friends are my therapists.” But a therapist would not personally know your husband and would not be passing any information along to others. In truth, your friends probably will. At the very least, their opinion of your spouse will decrease.
So guard your mouth and speak only life-giving, delicious tidbits about your spouse. Love protects relationships and looks for the best in others.
What should you do the next time you are tempted to focus on a negative quality of your spouse?
Take out a pen and paper, and write down ten positive statements about them instead. The next time a situation arises, read the list out loud.
Be ready for the next time when a friend begins to share some of her complaints. Perhaps interject something like: “I know that Joe isn’t perfect, but what is something that he does really well?” A true friend will support your marriage and help pull you out of the pit of self-pity.
So… lay out the good china dishes, my friend, and fill them with the choicest of words.
~~Love never grows old~~
As I was walking down the beach today, I overheard a white-haired lady chatting with her friends. “Do you know what my number number one bucket list item is?” she paused, and then exclaimed, “To fall in Love!” and added, “Again!”
Was she a widow? Was she divorced? All I knew was that she placed falling in love, AGAIN, as her top priority.
While I continued to walk along the shore, I remembered a simple poem that I had written many years ago about God’s desire for us to each fall in love with our spouses, again and again. God can ‘make all things new.’ We can’t control our spouse or change him, but we can ask God to help us to be the best wife and the best friend to our husband as possible.
How to Fall in Love… Again
Oh give my husband a brand new wife,
One that will partner lovingly.
Give him the helpmate that he so needs,
And may that ‘new wife’ always be me.
Oh give my husband a hot lover,
One that will surprise lovingly.
Give her energy and fresh ideas,
And may that ‘lover’ always be me.
Oh give my husband a new best friend,
One that will listen lovingly.
Give her Your wisdom to find the good,
And may that ‘best friend’ always be me.
As newlyweds, Dave and I searched for our first Christmas tree. I remember shivering in the cold, and being perfectly willing to take home any one of the many trees that we spotted along the way.
But Dave kept searching for, “the perfect tree,” which we all know is not a thing. (Neither is there a perfect wife).
This poem was my tongue-in-cheek way to find the good in having a husband who takes soooo long to pick out certain items.
I hope, sweet sister, that you will look for the positive qualities in those around you. When I get frustrated or angry, for instance, sometimes I make a list of the top ten great qualities about my husband. Focusing on the good always changes my perspective. Perhaps the best gift you could give you and your spouse today is to start making such a list right now.
“Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy
—think about such things.”
(Philippians 4:8)
Moon Beams
Soon after the “I do’s,” and sometimes even during the honeymoon, we realize that our spouse might not be as perfect as we once imagined. On the other hand, despair might drag us down when we learn that we have disappointed our dear one, and may have grown less-than-shiny in their eyes, as well.
We are left with a decision to either run away, or to stay, and look up to the only One who will love us completely, and meet our deepest needs.
Oh my sister, we so long for beauty and to be beautiful, don’t we? The answer is one and the same. For wrapped up in human skin, our heavenly father sent a gift of true beauty and pure perfection. As we seek to spend time with Him, more rays of His light, beauty, and love will reflect out to others. We will mirror back His healing love just as the lightless moon reflects the powerful brilliance of the sun.
Oh, what comfort. Despite our many craters of flaws and mistakes, God’s love is more. God’s love, poured out for us on the cross, smooths over and makes us flawless. Like a waxing moon in a velvet sky, your soul is growing more radiant as you continue to choose to turn toward the Son.
A Mid-Life Epiphany
Husbands please be patient,
I know we now both agree,
Your wife is far from perfect,
Just like your Christmas tree.
Our needles are brown and shedding,
Our bottoms have grown too wide,
Once firm branches are now drooping,
Too tattered for trimmings to hide.
Don’t look too close is now our plea,
Your search might be mistaken,
And please don’t look around fretting,
“All her youth has now been taken.”
Long ago Magi searched the skies,
Longing for Israel’s winning King,
Wise men still seek to find this Son,
A perfection worth worshiping.
So husbands look up past the tree,
Echo out epic epiphany,
“As the moon mirrors the sun’s light,
You reflect God’s love beautifully. ”
Stay
~~Sometimeslovedoesn’ttaketheeasyway~~
Grimacing in pain, he gripped his cane while he teetered stiffly to our table, like an accident victim in a full body cast who was just learning to walk. However, once he finally arrived, he didn’t sit down because for John, standing was only slightly less painful than sitting.
So John stood by our round table at the restaurant, while his wife, my husband, and I, enjoyed our spicy Mexican tacos in iron-wrought chairs. He did not stand in order to see the winding river below our patio, but to find relief from his chronic back pain. This awful pain had worsened over the past two decades that John and his wife, Bonnie, had continually sought medical care and prayed for God’s intervention.
My heart hurt as I watched his handsome face (much too young for a cane) wince in pain at every movement. I could only imagine the long-suffering heart of his wife who has lovingly cared for him each and every day, through surgeries and ‘recoveries’ due to his long term back issues.
Bonnie patiently ‘waits’ on God as she also lovingly ‘waits’ on her husband. For months she brought food to his upstairs bed as it was too painful for him to move downstairs. She chose commitment over fleeing, as most days she is also housebound.
However, although detained in her own home, her example of sacrifice and faithfulness reaches to her children and others, like the brilliant light that the moon reflects for so many during long, dark nights. The moon’s beautiful glowing is but a reflection of the awesome sun, which is powerful, radiant, and the center of our universe. Bonnie and John have made their devotion to Jesus, the Light of the World, the center of their family’s universe.
She spoke these words to us across the table, as gently as her life demonstrates them:
“Love is not a feeling… Love is a commitment.”
She faithfully holds on to her marriage vows of, “for Better or for Worse,” with one hand while her other hand clutches God’s promises to be faithful to her and her family.
Her greatest concern is for her children’s character. They observe real life lessons day-in and day-out as both of their parents remain steadfast in their hope and trust in God, despite the failed procedures and chronic pain.
She has a long term perspective. Bonnie refers to this time on earth as “a blip” compared to eternity.
Her commitment is to God and to her husband. Her desire is for her children to marry someday and to be spouses who exhibit true persevering love in every circumstance.
She. Is. More. Beautiful. —than any runway model. Bonnie models
True.
Unselfish. Enduring. Committed. Love.
* * *
What should you do, sweet friend, when the feelings fade? When life disappoints?
When you want to flee?
To give up?
Look to God’s love wrapped in raw flesh on the cross. Did Jesus feel like carrying his cross? Did He feel like staying on the cross? Remember how in the garden He begged that the bitter cup be taken away?
Jesus, all human, and, at the same time, all God, could have come down at any moment. But instead, Jesus stayed on the cross —for us.
Love stayed. He stayed.
He stayed because He loves you, my dear one,
and He so desires to spend eternity with you.
Love stayed.
Love became the way.
* * *
Discussion questions for those who want to delve deeper:
Have you ever been to a tea party that turned sour? Why is it so easy to complain about those closest to us?
Read and underline Proverbs 14:1. What does a wise woman do instead? Turn to Proverbs 18:21. What is the most powerful part of your body?
Read Matthew 7:1-5. Ouch! Do you notice your own personal plank, or the sawdust of another? How can we accomplish this difficult task?
In Mid-Life Epiphany, the author bemoans that she is changing as she grows older, and is no longer “perfect” in her husband’s eyes. What makes a person beautiful to you? To God?
Can we expect to change our spouse? How can we become a better wife, or friend?
How is Bonnie like, ‘the full moon on a velvet night’? Does our culture encourage this commitment? Do you feel like running away sometimes from your situation? (*To be sure, at times a trusted Christian friend or counselor might help to gain perspective when we share personal thoughts —which is very different from the story of the ‘husband bashing’ that might occur in a social setting).
What would our world be like if Jesus did not ‘Stay’? Why did He ‘Stay’ for you?
* * *
Time for Dessert
Sit down and write 10 positive things about your spouse or family member.
Better yet, after you make your list, place it on their pillow tonight.
For two whole weeks —long, dark days of rain —short, violent storms and hail. Broken branches littered my yard and canceled plans littered my calendar.
“Where is Noah?” I asked, “Is his ark about to pass us by?” I teased my coworkers as we looked out my office window at the sheets of rain falling on the parking lot.
But what I was really looking for was a rainbow.
Don’t we all hope for the rainbows? Aren’t we all searching for some beauty after the pain, some encouragement after the rain?
But for the longest time I couldn’t find one.
“Look for the sun,” my husband reminded me. “Both the sun and rain are needed at the same time to create a rainbow.” And then… It. Happened.
On our way to dinner we drove through the middle of a perfect rainbow. Glorious colors —red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet on both sides of a giant arch with the ends close to each side of the road. Our car slowed to a saunter under the middle of a breathtakingly beautiful rainbow.
My sweet sister, Liese, calls this, “A kiss from God.” A kiss or God-wink is an aha moment when our loving father provides a reminder that He is always with us and knows what we need.
This rainbow reminded me of the promises from our loving, caring creator that joy does come after times of drought —and it does come after long nights of doubt.
Most comforting to me was the realization that I didn’t have to wait until the rain had ended to see a rainbow. Both sun and rain are needed at the same time.
In my soul I was reminded of God’s faithfulness —I am here. I am here in the rain. I am here in your pain.
Soon after I noticed God’s sign in the sky and I caught my breath, I began to sing the chorus of a poem I had written years before:
In the midst of storms, rainbows are born, His love shines through our tears.
In the midst of storms, rainbows are born,
He is here, He is here.
He loves you, my sweet sister. He promises to be with you through the storm. Just as Noah and his family stepped off the ark to realize the beautiful bow in the sky, the fresh arched piece of God’s gift of glory covers the roads you embark on.
Sweet surprises are ahead for you.
Your part is simple… just like my husband encouraged me, “Look for the Son.”
* * *
In the Midst of Storms
* * *
Kind Kisses
~ Sometimes love means being kind first. ~
If looks could kill, then every morning she killed me again, and again.
Each morning that she dropped her daughter off at our school, our paths crossed, and I noticed her body froze, her face turned to stone, and her eyes pierced my own when I greeted her. The constant reminder of how much discord existed between us when we saw one another seemed to make her more irritated and miserable.
Months before, we’d had a tough meeting. It happened when my job had been to set some boundaries with her after her unpleasant words toward one of my employees. As a result, she was asked not to interact, or even to approach that person for a temporary period.
My assumption had been that she would pull her child from the program, but instead, she kept her daughter in our community because she thrived in our care. But maybe, she had just stayed to make my life miserable.
So far, she was winning.
I felt ready to move on and to forgive her for the incident, but her eyes demonstrated that, “if looks could kill,”then she wished, instead of moving on, that she might want to, “move over,” my dead body.
My initial tactic had been to act cheerful and friendly when I spotted her arriving at school with her daughter. “Good morning!” I’d greet her with a smile, and tried to push through the uncomfortable situation.
The upbeat engagement that I attempted only seemed to result with her increased irritation. Her already anxious face grew exceedingly serious each time she stepped through the door to leave her daughter before going on to her high-level corporate position.
Unfortunately, I am ashamed to admit that I grew weary and turned my greeting into one of sarcasm one morning when I called out, “Have a nice day!” She picked up my tone, and responded in a like manner, leaving me with a feeling of defeat and disappointment in myself.
Weeks passed while I now resorted to avoid her. However, the daily tension became so great, that I decided to zero in on the problem with God.
“Oh Lord, what can I do to make this better?” Vaguely recalling a Bible verse from Proverbs about winning over an enemy with kindness, I began a google search. “A gift in secret pacifies anger,” it states in Proverbs 21:13.
What gift could I give her? I kept thinking about this, and praying. I realized that some common ground that we shared was the joy of her daughter. In fact, this woman was a wonderful mother, even so much that she chose to leave her daughter in the best situation despite her own personal discomfort. Maybe I could write her a card about her bright and engaging daughter that she could read in her own personal space. Taking a pen, I shared the truth about what a gift that Becky continued to be at our school. To illustrate, I included some specific examples for her encouragement.
A few days later, our paths crossed, and this time her face softened when she saw me. She approached me and thanked me for the card. After chatting briefly about her amazing daughter, we both went on to enjoy our day.
“Looks can kill,” but a thoughtful, authentic gift can heal.
* * *
Creamy, Cool Kisses
~~Sometimes love remains anonymous~~
Yesterday marked the anniversary of my infant daughter’s ‘Heaven Day.’
After 40 days of encouraging ups and heartbreaking downs in the NICU, God’s loving presence embraced me as I held my baby’s beautiful, perfectly formed body for the last time. Peace covered me like the soft, warm wings of the angels that carried her home.
Days later, while I watched her tiny coffin lowered carefully into the frozen ground, this peace continued to cover me as the thick, white snow clings to a barren tree.
Soon after all my friends and family went back to their own lives, I realized why the loss of a child has been described as having one’s arm cut off. The limb will never grow back, and the pain is agonizing as the process of the raw, open wound slowly heals. Insensitive comments and pat explanations sting as if salt is being rubbed into the open wound.
My husband and I both carried gaping wounds and grieved differently. As a result, we could not comfort each other. During this lonely, terrible time of darkness, my sensitive small daughters each regressed as they reacted to the recent rollercoaster of events and emotions. The oldest, who before Megan’s death had been potty-trained, reverted and started to cling to me for support. Both vied for my attention, and bickered between themselves. I struggled to care for them as the grief sapped so much of my energy.
For example, I remember standing at the sink one day, and yelling out to God, “Why did you give her to me… only to take her away?” Tears ran down my cheeks and I shook with pain. Underneath my anger cried a hurt little girl who felt that God had ignored her prayers. Truly, I had begged for God to heal my baby.
A few months after both the funeral and my emotional outburst to God, I bundled up my two older daughters (three-and-a-half, and two-years-old), and drove to the local mall. Soon after we arrived, I decided to buy ice cream for my precious little ones in the food court. When I approached the register to pay for it, the cashier explained that our treats had been taken care of. The bearded man explained, “Each day a man comes here, and picks someone to buy ice cream for. Today he picked you and your little girls.” Oh what a sweet kiss from God when I needed it the most.
My need wasn’t money, for I had plenty to buy ice cream. But what I had needed to know was that God saw me. I needed to know that He cared about me, and that He would tend to my tender faith and raw questions.
I now had proof that I was not alone. This was the beginning of my awakening to the fact that God saw my sore, hurting heart, and grieved with me.
He would gently guide me through my it, and help one moment at a time.
God’s loving touch of sweet provision soothed my raw, hurting heart as cool, sweet ice cream runs down and coats a sore throat.
Twenty-four years later, my eyes still fill with mist when I remember how I felt during this time, the lowest and loneliest season in my life. But then those sad tears join with ones of gratefulness as I also remember God’s personal kisses of kindness.
I now realize how important doing acts of kindness anonymously can be, for then the recipient does not have to use up energy to repay anybody back. Because of this, the recipient can truly receive a gift from the hand of God —the One who is The Giver of all good gifts.
I call these inspired and Spirit-led acts of kindness giving a KISS from God.
K – Kindness
I – In
S – ‘Spired by the
S – Spirit (The Holy Spirit)
A KISS is different from the often referred to, “Random Act of Kindness” or “RAK,” which has the connotation of just being due to random luck. Instead, a “Kiss” in not accidental at all, but consists of who looks and prays for someone who is hurting, and by listening to God, takes action for how to best respond.
“What is Love to me?” someone might ask.
A small cone of vanilla ice cream given by a stranger.
* * *
Discussion questions for those that want to delve deeper:
1. What does a rainbow promise in the Bible? Look up Genesis 9: 9-17. The Bible begins and ends with a rainbow, for in the last book, Revelation, a rainbow circles God’s throne. See Revelation 4:1-4. What do you think this means?
1. Ponder and share a specific way that God has ‘kissed you’ recently with His kindness.
1. In Kind Kisses, a written note softens a strained situation. Have you ever given or received such a gift? Is the Holy Spirit leading you to express love to someone in your world?
1. Sometimes, like in Creamy, Cool Kisses, the best kind of gift might be anonymous. Why is it more difficult to give in secret? Or, is it easier? Share an example from your life.
1. How can we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us so that our ‘kiss’ reaches the right person at the right time?
1. Look up Colossians 3:12-14. Read it slowly. How can your love act like glue in your relationships?
1. How is the acronym RAK different from KISS? Why does the word, ‘random,’ not work as well in our walk with the Lord?
* * *
Time for a Dessert Challenge
Place a giftcard in an envelope with a short note that says,
God sees you and adores you, for a neighbor, or a friend who is struggling.
Sometimes an earthly example —such as that of a criminal before a judge— might help explain one of the most overwhelmingly, incredible, and mind-blowing spiritual truths. Imagine that you are about to go before a Great Judge. You have been apprehended, and you must give an account for any wrongs committed during your lifetime. In private, you meet with your attorney and you confess all that you have done. At the scheduled time, your attorney, who acts as your most important advocate, appears before the judge, and states your case: “Your Honor… yes, I agree, she is guilty as charged.” Your mouth drops open, and your eyes widen with fear. You stand shocked, feeling betrayed. “What?!! I thought that you were here to defend me?” You scream, turn red, and fall on the floor, “Why don’t you help me?!!” If the illustration stopped here, then we would all be without hope, but… What if we caught hold of the heavenly picture given to us in God’s Word? Now imagine that you are sitting with your advocate, Jesus, before the Great Judge, God, whose role is to make sure that Heaven remains holy and perfect with no sin, sickness, or sadness. “Your Honor… yes, I agree. If she came to our heavenly home, then her sin would ruin it. I concur with you that she deserves the death penalty, and that she should spend eternity in Hell. She is guilty as charged, and justice demands that she die as a consequence.”As this spiritual court holds greater authority than any earthly court, you crumble under the hopelessness of the crushing verdict. Plummeting to the ground, you sob, and cover your tear-stained face. But finally, when you manage to look up, you realize what you could have never expected. Pure, hot holiness flows from your advocate’s eyes, and blinds you with an indescribable love. He stands and declares boldly, “I have taken your death sentence for you. I love you, and I want you to spend eternity in Heaven with Me where there is no sin.” Then He asks, “Will you let Love stand in your place?” Overcome with joy and tears all at once, you cry, “Thank you… Oh, Jesus! Thank you so much! I will! I do! Yes! I believe You.” In an instant, you notice that the handcuffs and shackles of all your past wrong-doing falls from your arms and your legs. You are free! Jesus kneels to embrace you. He calls you a child of God, a family member, a friend. He lifts you up and renames you ‘princess.’ Now, you are a flawless, beautiful, and restored daughter of the King of Kings. Hand in hand, you and your heavenly advocate dance out of the courtroom as you hear the judge in the distance pronounce: “Not Guilty.”
The Garden of Paradise ~~Sometimes Love Means Losing Count~~ While no one would describe me as having a green thumb, I do know some gardening basics: Water the plants early in the morning before the hot sun comes out, Prune dead branches to let the sunshine in, and Pull a few weeds every morning so that your beautiful flowers are not overtaken. Gardening requires daily, steadfast attention, as is necessary for any relationship. In a similar way, God invites us to co-garden our hearts with Him personally, every day. Living in community might give us a glimpse into someone else’s garden. It can get complicated if we peek over the hedge and jump to judgments about what should be done about someone’s plant (or, a weed) that we notice. I carried a regret for years when I reacted too quickly to a situation where I did not have all of the facts. It all began when I overheard talk of a friend’s major life choice that I quickly labeled as a huge mistake. Instead of taking the time to call her, and to listen, my quick assumption added to her painful stress. It had been a tough time in her life, and she’d had to make monumental decisions. I lacked information, and did not understand her whys. The situation grew even worse when I left her a passionate voicemail pleading with her to change her mind. Instead of coming alongside her to understand, to hold her hand, to comfort her, or to assist her in any practical way, I stood at a distance and drew conclusions. Our friendship died. Weeks later, continuing to think about her, I decided to send a quick apology. I hoped that she would hear my perspective. But still, I had not heard hers. Mother Teresa wisely said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” For a couple of years, this corner of my garden lay barren, wrapped up with the weeds of my own self-righteousness, pride, and regret. This small area lay neglected because I did not invite Jesus into it during our gardening dates in the cool of each morning. It was only after much time had passed since my insensitive responses that I wrote a true letter of apology. With more life experience, I realized my wrong. I felt truly sorry, and told her so. This time I made no excuses. Then, I waited. And waited. And waited. For a reply. Two weeks seemed like an eternity. The day finally came that I opened up the mailbox and saw the pink envelope with her name in the return address. “I received your kind words, Amber. I just want you to know that I forgive you, and I love you. God knows everything about it, and He loves us both,” I read. Collapsing into a nearby chair, I soaked in the refreshing, life-giving words. Grateful tears began to flow down my cheeks as I thanked God for helping us… He enabled me to write a sincere apology, and then He helped my friend to gracefully forgive me. How can I describe the relief which I felt when I saw these generous words? Like a fresh rain in springtime, they watered the dry garden of my heart. These actions pulled up the weeds of regret leaving holes in the dirt that God could now cover with His liquid love. What could be a sweeter gift than a friend’s undeserved forgiveness? What is more beautiful than a freshly weeded and watered garden? The result encouraged me about the importance to never stop weeding, and watering, and nurturing the garden in my heart.
Not long after, a different situation arose that caused me to realize that another corner of my garden had a great need of tending. This time, though, it was me that needed to pull up the bitter root of unforgiveness. While in front of my computer early one morning, a former trusted friend messaged me. She requested a meeting, implying that she might want to reconnect again. I felt conflicted. Years before, this person and I had separated for good reason. She had betrayed me, and had left only heartache in her place. Now she wanted to meet at a local restaurant. How should I reply? I decided to accept. I missed her, and I truly wanted to hear what she had to say. I had a tender softness for her because I’d mentored her, and understood her difficult situation. However, I continued to wrestle with how this interaction might go. In my mind, I played out a conversation and determined what I thought should happen, adding, “God, she had better take responsibility for what she did! She needs to show how sorry she is!” I thought that certainly she might, at least, shed some tears. A portion of scripture pierced my heart as I drove down the highway the next day: “Love does not keep a record of wrongs.” Ouch! Immediately, I caught a glimpse of the list I had held in my mind of all the ways in which she had wronged me. Her selfish choices had been like a surprising, stinging downpour that caused mulch to scatter everywhere in a yard after a storm. I wanted her to feel my pain. I wanted her to grovel. I wanted her to show me that she “got it.” It now occurred to me that I was not yet ready to fully forgive. I realized I needed to pray and ask God to help me more in this process before our scheduled lunch. Shifting from my laser focus on her shortcomings, I redirected my thoughts to how I had mentored her and loved her like a daughter. That is why her betrayal hurt so much. I focused on all of her beautiful qualities, and on how helpful she had been in so many tough situations because of her calm demeanor. Then I imagined how hard it might be for her to meet with me. She must be so nervous. The story of the prodigal son became my source for instruction. The father had not waited for his son to fall on his knees in front of him and to show visible anguish. Instead, the father ran out to greet him, and even had a gift (a ring) ready for him. The father connected the dots that his son’s decision to walk toward home showed a change of heart. With this idea in mind, I picked out a special bracelet to give her, and I grew eager for our meeting. In the meantime, I prayed for her, and focused on the positive memories from our past times together. By the time the actual meeting took place, the need to go into detail about the reasons we’d parted ways seemed of little importance. Our conversation flowed, and we caught up on each other’s lives. By the end, she simply confided, “It’s been hard, but I’ve made a lot of changes over the past couple of years since I saw you last.” “I know,” I gently answered. We returned to our reminiscing, and shared pictures of our families. That day, a poisonous weed of unforgiveness that had been in my heart had been pulled up, roots and all. The newly tended soil gave opportunity for God to restore our relationship in the days to come. Months later, I received an unexpected card in the mail from her that contained the words I’d originally hoped to hear. Although her actions had already spoken them, she shared her precious thoughts in writing. She communicated how grateful she was to now be a part of my life again, and also, how forever sorry she is for her past mistakes. My eyes grew misty as I read this letter of acknowledgment —a letter so much sweeter now that I did not require it.
Who Will Fill the Hole? Poem by Amber O’Brien
I should have used my ‘big girl voice,’ I should have said, “Will you please fill the hole?” as the family Packed up their plastic toys and shovels. For I knew what they did not; for A hole left open can lead to heartache. Years before a woman on a nearby shore stumbled in the dark, And she fell into a neglected hole; She couldn’t climb out and she soon fell asleep. Early the next morning a sand-cleaning machine Pushed the sand over her and She. Was. Buried. Alive. The reporter urged the viewers, “to please fill in the holes,” After scooping sand, and sculpting castles. But, there are some gaps we cannot fill up, On. Our. Own. I thought of my own mistakes: As a mother. As a friend. As a sister, a daughter, a wife, Would my regrets ever end? So many pits, so many pangs of remorse. How many people have fallen into the holes that I’ve dug, With clenched fists of selfish pride and fear? Or, on the other hand, How many people have hurt me, and bore huge holes in my own heart? But I worsened my wounds with unforgiveness and Allowed the gaping holes to fester with self-pity. This huge hole left in the sand in front of me represented all my failures, and I sat anxiously in my beach chair pondering what to do. I didn’t have a shovel, Or the strength… for I now finally comprehended that, All these holes together formed a Grand Canyon-sized chasm that separated me from holy heaven. Who will fill the hole? Downhearted and distressed, I grievously gazed at the ginormous gulf, Paralyzed with despair. Who can fill the hole? Then a lifeguard, Wearing a blood-red tank top, With a white cross sealed over his chest, Climbed down from his high white stand, Kneeled in the sand, and With his open, bare hands, He gently, and carefully, pushed the sand from the rough edges, And He. Filled. The. Hole.
Ch. 3 Discussion questions for those who want to delve deeper:
Have you ever been to court before? Did your lawyer defend you? Did you plead guilty, or not guilty?
Read slowly I John 4:7-21. Where does love come from?
Why is Jesus the perfect mediator? Read 1 John 1:8-10 and 2:1-2. Why is being honest about ourselves to God necessary?
Why is it so hard to forgive others? Let us look to Jesus who prayed these words from the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
Describe the process that you use to forgive. For example, the author sometimes finds it helpful to write a letter to someone who has hurt her, and then to rip it up. Next, she writes down ten good characteristics about the person in order to gain perspective. What helps you to root out unforgiveness?
The poem Who Will Fill the Holes? is a modern twist on Revelation 5:1-10 which says, “Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?” Why?
Read 1 Peter 4:8. What soothes the wounds that others cause? Is there someone who needs you to gently cover them with forgiveness? Or, do you need to forgive and show compassion to yourself?
Time for Dessert Close your eyes, and imagine Jesus earnestly praying for you: “Father forgive her, she knows not what she does.” Now picture those wounded hands embracing you tightly with a warm, long, and strong hug. And then… the Holy One takes off his pure white robe of righteousness, and wraps it around you. How do you respond to Him?
Ch. 3 from Amber O’Brien’s book, “Love.Always.Wins.”
~~Sometimes Love Means Planning a Retreat~~
Locked in our small powder room, I cling to the phone with my friend on the other end while my three children knock on the door and call out, “Mom, she hit me!” and, “Jacob won’t let me use the computer!” Then my husband chimes in with, “Amber, have you seen my shoes?” Ignoring the interruptions, I ask my friend on the line, “Have you ever wanted to just get away to a deserted island?” This scene is actually the opening of one of the many hilarious videos that I have submitted to the reality show, Survivor. If you think I am crazy for wanting to go to a remote location for thirty-nine days to live off the land, eat bugs, wear no makeup (yikes!) and to put myself in a situation that risks ridicule and failure, I don’t blame you. I have wondered the same thing, time and again. The producers must have wondered about me, too, after seeing the second part of the video that we submitted. My ‘director husband’ captures me on camera during a tropical family vacation in which I suddenly emerge from the sea of blue, sparkling water. After my exaggerated expressions of finding myself on the beautiful Caribbean beach, I skip toward the shore, beaded hair flying in the breeze, and full of pure, inexplicable joy —when BOOM! —Three children (my own!)— run into me, and knock me to the ground. As soon as I manage to sit up, I shout with laughter, “I meant without the kids!”
Yes, I confess to submitting videos and applications to be on the show more than once. I imagine that the overtired judges might have put their fingers in their ears as I belted out the tune of the Gilligan’s Island theme song, rewritten in my own words: “Just sit right back, and you’ll hear a tale,… the tale of a homeschool mom…” While the words might have been clever, my singing voice has never been one of my best assets. Nevertheless, creating the videos was always great family fun. In contrast to the lighthearted videos, the application questions forced me to dig deeper. One especially caused me to stop and ponder: “Who is your hero, and why?” I soon realized that my heroes were not the former winners of Survivor, or even the idolized actors or athletes on television. Instead, my thoughts turned to those unrecognized people who serve God every day in the way they take care of others. My list of heroes grew to include:
The couple down the street who care for a special needs child,
A woman who allows her personal anger to dissolve into forgiveness,
A friend’s husband who turns away from temptation,
Another friend who regrets a past decision, but now helps others not to make it,
The family who says “yes” to an unexpected child,
The couple who commits to counseling to reconcile their dying marriage,
A teen addict who seeks help,
A single parent who plays both the roles of mom and dad,
The list goes on, and on, and on, including all who face their challenges by choosing love. These precious people give, and forgive, when no cameras are rolling, and when no crew is watching. These “true survivors” endure hardship and heartache which last longer than a mere thirty-nine days. No chance of winning a million dollars, or of appearing on Good Morning America loom in the future to reward them. These are not sexy super-models, but they are the ones who ‘model’ for me who I hope to become. Despite my family’s support and our best efforts, I never did receive the call to come in for an audition. Yet, as time went on, my dream to be on the show remained. I tried to rationalize and justify my desires. The draw of adding to the diversity in this social experiment appealed to me. After all, I reasoned, they needed a Christian homeschooling mom on the show! I mean, how many homeschooling moms made it on the set of Survivor? Zero! (Of course, it’s questionable if any have actually applied). I also wanted justice. I just hated to see someone who lied and cheated get the win. Perhaps I could show them that the best strategy is to be truthful and trustworthy. Perhaps my mission field would consist of millions of viewers!
Mother Teresa’s quote rang in my thoughts: “Don’t look for big things, just do small things with great love.” Remembering her words helped to ground me, once again, to be content with the everyday roles that God had given me. I decided to pray, “Lord, take from me this desire to get away, if it is not of You.” Then. It. Happened. My desire “to get away” became a reality one weekend when I answered an invitation to attend a silent women’s retreat with a friend. So wonderful. My private room greeted me with fresh-cut flowers, and handwritten notes reminding me that others were praying for me. I felt spoiled by the delicious, homemade meals prepared for us, and the well-cared for lawns to walk throughout. Together, they refreshed my body and soul. I listened in the quiet, and I soaked up the devotions that seemed to be delivered just for me. “What is reality?” the priest asked. And then, he answered his own question: “Reality is the love Christ has for you,” he said, as his words stunned me to attention. “You might think that you worked hard to plan this weekend away, —but Jesus, for all of eternity, has been planning to spend this special time with you.” I believed that God had orchestrated this whole weekend all along. This respite (from the busyness of my routine and draining days) restored and refreshed me. After time to be still and reflect, to know truth, and to allow my heart to be changed, I left rejuvenated and clean, just as if coming out of a warm, soapy shower. I returned home as a re-energized wife, and a revitalized mother. I realized now that I had agreed to come because of those earlier stirrings in my heart to get away. It turns out that I didn’t need to flee to a deserted island. Instead, I actually needed to step away and be still for the eyes of my heart to be opened to the reality of God’s renewing love for me.
A Love to Last the Ages – A poem by Amber O’Brien
Jesus and me have a date today, Gonna be half past nine, He’ll tell me I’m beautiful, I’ll tell Him, forever, He’s mine.
Jesus and me have a date today, He’s gonna whisper in my ear, I’ll tell Him all my worries, He’ll tell me, “Girl, —never fear.”
For I am His, And He is mine, A Love to last the ages. I’ll share with Him my inner thoughts, He’ll whisper through the Pages.
Jesus and me have a date today, I know He’ll be on time, He’s always been faithful, Lord, help me, to be, ‘in kind,’
For He’s waiting by the seashore, My coffee table, too. Every red light is sacred, Lord, help me, to be as true.
For I am His, And He is mine, A Love to last the ages, I’ll share with Him my inner thoughts, He’ll whisper through the Pages.
Wrapped Around the Shepherd’s Neck
If you were a lamb, how would you describe yourself? Obedient, or strong-willed? Have you ever wandered off during your life journey? Perhaps you have not physically wandered away, but perhaps you have become emotionally distracted with the appeal of another lamb, one who appears fun and adventurous. Or, perhaps you ran ahead of The Shepherd in your excitement for a new grassy field in the distance. What if The Shepherd saw that you were about to fall off a cliff because of a poor choice? Imagine Him reaching out and using the end of his shepherd’s crook to save you from yourself. Your life is spared, but your leg is painfully broken. The Shepherd kneels down and with his strong, firm hands begins to pick you up, and places you around his warm neck. At first, you just think about your pain and become jealous of the other lambs that are frolicking down below. You writhe in discomfort, and question God with, “Why did you allow my leg to break?” Sometimes the agonizing hurt keeps you up at night. “Please, just heal me now!” you plead. But, in time, you realize that now you are close enough to hear the beating of the kind shepherd’s broken heart. His tears fall on your face, and you realize He is suffering with you. You are so close that you can feel His warm embrace and His compassionate kiss. You discover that being this close to the faithful shepherd, and hearing Him whisper in your ear is much better than aimlessly playing down below. You delight in your new names of ‘Chosen’ and ‘Entrusted.’ While still hurting and sorrowing, you start to pray for the lambs who are making poor choices, and for those who are also suffering in so many different ways (hunger, sickness, grief, loneliness, depression, and more). Then you pray for the entire flock, because you sense how His heart breaks for so many other grieving lambs, especially for the ones who will not let Him hold them and accept His healing love.
Then to your surprise, the shepherd declares that your leg is healed and you are now free to be released and play with the other lambs. What would you do?
Ode of the Crippled Lamb (poem by Amber O’Brien)
Dancing down the dry and dusty hills, They plead for me to come down and play, The leaping lambs bound past the Shepherd, Wrapped ‘round His shoulders, I long to stay.
This crippled lamb clings to you, Shepherd, So close I hear you whisper my name, I am stilled by surrendered suffering, Your kiss gives me purpose, midst the pain.
Once I followed the flock far from Him, To a steep cliff, death valley beneath, A shepherd staff reached down to save me, My leg crippled in Love’s saving reach.
Sweet love kneels down to bandage my wounds, He gently pulls me close to His chest, Limping along, love weeps for my loss, Healing me with His hot, Holy breath.
They plead for me to come down and play, Wrapped ‘round His shoulders, I long to stay.
Discussion questions for those that want to delve deeper:
When have you known that you needed to get away from the routine of your life? Where did you go? Do you need to plan for one in your near future?
The author thought that a spot on a reality show would fill her desire. Have you ever thought that fame or fortune would bring you fulfillment?
Who is your hero? Who do you respect for their generous Love?
In the poem, A Love to Last the Ages, the author finds time throughout the day to chat with Jesus. How can you experience similar “mini-getaways”?
Read the Song of Songs, chapter 2. Take out your journal, and ponder with your pen. In this love poem in the Bible, God is believed to represent the male lover, while we, His Bride, symbolize, “His beloved.” He says He wants you to, “Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me,” (v.10). Write down the terms of endearment (the adjectives) that He uses for you.
Look up John 14:1-7, and write it out. How do we know The Truth?
In addition, look up Revelation 3:14-21. Who is knocking? Who must open the door? During the author’s weekend retreat, the Lord works in her heart to help her reevaluate her desires, wants, and needs. When you go on your ‘date with Jesus,’ perhaps, ask Him if there is anything that needs changing in your heart. Write it down, and ask for help and strength to be transformed.
Time for Dessert Set a time to meet with Jesus tomorrow morning, and schedule the date on your calendar. Grab your Bible, a journal, and a favorite pen. Choose a special spot to meet. A handy acronym, that I use, is ACTS. A = Adoration Pick an adjective to describe God’s character and express worship for Who He Is. C = Contrition Ask God to shine His light in your heart to reveal any actions or attitudes that might be harmful. Have honest conversation with Him. T = Thanksgiving Write down three good gifts in your life, and thank God for them out loud. S = Supplication List people you care about, and problems that you face today. Ask God for specific help. Linger and listen and look to the Word of God for direction, courage, and comfort. Write down a takeaway from your time such as a Bible verse, a keyword, or an important thought to remember
I took refuge in the bathroom of the hotel room, laboring with my pen and paper, and tried to give birth to a poem. My family played National Park Monopoly outside my makeshift office as I sought to describe, in written words, one of the most amazing, natural wonders of the world. The overwhelmingly gigantic gulf, composed of pastel layers of crumbling stone, contrasted against a desert blue sky. It spoke to me of God’s beauty, power, and timelessness.
Though hours had passed since my first encounter, I remained captivated by recalling the vastness of this immense abyss —so huge that the human eye can only take in twenty percent at a time. The ranger had explained earlier at the park that even a camera from an airplane could not take a photo of the entire range, but a satellite from the heavens is needed.
My oldest daughter, age 12, said over dinner, “The Grand Canyon makes me feel like an ant.” When I asked my younger two children why they thought God created the Grand Canyon, my son declared, “Because He loves us,” and his sister Katie chimed in, “To show us how Big He is… and how Old!”
Early the next morning we hit the trails again. But, in contrast to the feast of spiritual revelation and gratitude that I felt for the experience of the Grand Canyon National Park, my children grumbled. “My foot is stuck in the mud,” one complained as they walked the trails. “I’m too hot,” said another, just as the youngest bemoaned, “I’m too tired!” I noticed them looking downward at their aching feet while all around them the God of the universe whispered a Love Song.
Whispers from the Grand Canyon
She beckons the weary eyes of the world,
Canyon after canyon of crumbling curls,
Layers of sand, suntanned and hand-swirled,
Bronzed desert beauty queen among girls.
Come sweet mysterious beauty sublime,
Whisper of ancient secrets now buried,
Who poured out each towering layer of time?
Can a bridge to cover this gap be carried?
Love older than the stones that crumble,
Love tender bridged the immense abyss,
Love beyond measure became humble,
Sealed with a Kiss,
Bliss, sweet bliss, filled the abyss,
Sealed with a kiss, bliss, sweet bliss.
She draws suitors with wild desert flowers,
Crashing lightning echoes down from the sky,
An hourglass poured from Love and power,
A canyon too grand for the human eye.
Love older than the stones that crumble,
Love tender bridged the immense abyss,
Love beyond measure became humble,
Sealed with a Kiss,
Sweet Jesus bridged the immense abyss,
Sealed with a kiss, bliss, sweet bliss.
* * *
In a famous interview of actor, Katharine Hepburn, by Barbara Walters, Katharine states that she is “like a tree.”
Barbara follows up with, “What type of tree would you be?”
Katharine responds, “Well I think most people would like to be an oak tree, as it is strong and pretty.”
Well, personally, I would like to be as a weeping Willow tree, whose deep roots reach down below the surface, to drink from the streams of living water.
The Weeping Willow Tree
Adelicatecascadeof greenery flows in the wind.
Translucent and serene, the willowy veil provides shade and refuge.
Tenderly she weeps and allows each tear to freely flow.
A strong, thick trunk supports the lush drapery.
Stableandstrong,therootfoundationsof the willow reach deep in the ground.
No squall or tempest will uproot her,
Though the relentless winds often rage and blast.
Oh, may I be as the weeping willow tree.
May my tears flow as freely
Whenthedefenselessinnocentsplayaround my trunk.
May my supple branches act as a shield
To the aged man who has come to drink from my shade.
May my thick trunk teach the widowed woman
As she hears the joyful rush of my leaves whisper,
“Don’t give up, stand as firm and free, as I.”
* * *
Discussion questions for those that want to delve deeper:
Where is your favorite nature place to go to relax and refresh? The forest? By the seashore? Or a nearby pond or lake?
What does this natural place reveal to you about your Creator?
What do you think God is speaking to you when you linger, listen, and soak up the beauty all around you?
What did the author perceive about her Creator when she stood in awe at the edge of the Grand Canyon? What does the canyon symbolize? What does the bridge symbolize?
Look up Psalm 19:1-4. List what the psalmist views in nature that causes him to want to give glory to God.
When have you been like one of the three children who complained and bickered as the God of the universe surrounded them so powerfully?
Look up Romans 1:20-23. Why are we without an excuse ?
Think about this: Is it easier to worship the creation, instead of our Creator?
Love . Always. Wins.
* * *
Time for Dessert
Read Psalm 103.
Underline the word “love” as you read this awesome psalm of praise.
Ch. 1 from Amber O’Brien’s Book, Love. Always. Wins.
~~Sometimesloveknowsexactlywhatweneed~~
The pulsing, whirling sounds of helicopter propellers vibrated above my head while my panicked legs pumped in the chilly preseason Atlantic Ocean and my shivering arms held onto my capsized
“Lord, I don’t need a helicopter,” I screeched into the wind. “Just send me a motorboat. I don’t need a helicopter.”
The bright red Coast Guard rescue vehicle circled overhead, and I waved back at the pilot.
The loud motor and choppy propeller, ticka-ticka-ticka, sound WAS NOT music to my ears because of my dread of having to awkwardly climb aboard a hanging ladder —especially in front of a crowd of people. Weariness zapped almost all my strength and I couldn’t imagine holding on, so I continued to plead against the helicopter.
Glancing at the shore, I noticed numerous rescue vehicles, including an ambulance, a police car, and even a fire truck. A crowd of people gathered about them, and I knew they had the same thought that I did: What in the world is that crazy woman doing out there in the ocean by herself?
Just an hour before, I had arrived at the beach with my husband and oldest daughter before the lifeguards took their posts. For a special birthday present, Dave had bought me a new toy—a novel paddleboard with handlebars for state-of-the-art steering and stair-stepper like pedals for advanced control. What we didn’t know at the time was that, in our excitement, we had tightened an important screw and dismantled the steering mechanism. (Ok. I know what you are thinking. Duh!)
I remember suggesting that we try out this new watercraft on the quieter bay nearby first (I should have gone with my gut), but when we both peered at the ocean earlier that morning, it appeared to be unusually calm and inviting.
Excited to try out the new gift, Dave pushed me towards the horizon on my virgin voyage, out past the breaking waves. I stood upright and vertical, pedaling the board forward –straight out into the vast sea. After several yards, I squeezed the right handle and expected to veer right.
Nothing happened.
Instructions in the box had warned that I would need to pedal faster for the steering to engage and so I pumped my legs even faster, and squeezed the handle with all my might trying to turn so I would not continue to be going straight out to sea.
My husband yelled from the shore, “Turn! Turn!” but I moved out further away from him and my daughter on the shore.
“I AM! I AM TRYING To TURN! ” I bellowed back.
At this point, I panicked, my adrenaline increased, and my muscles tensed up. I kept thinking “What am I doing wrong?”(Remember that I didn’t know that the steering didn’t work) Thus, in my frantic panic to correct what I thought was my mistake, I moved forward faster and faster. Before I knew it, I found myself one-fourth of a mile into the deep waters of the ocean. By leaning my body weight all the way to the right, my direction turned 90 degrees so that I now became parallel with the shore. This was better than going straight out to sea, but I needed to turn 90 degrees more so I could ride back to the shore.
The current and the wind worked against me as I kept compressing the handlebars. It took all of my effort and energy just to stay upright. For ten beach blocks, my tiny board and I managed to travel parallel to the beach as my husband and my daughter, Mary, dashed along the sand as fast as they could, trying to keep up.
My heart quickened. Anxiety so overwhelmed me that instead of stopping to regroup, I scampered faster like a nervous, squeaking gerbil on a metal running wheel. Over and over, I squeezed the handlebars with all my might, “Help! Lord Jesus! Help me! Help Me!” I squealed out desperately as I pedaled on without considering a new plan.
In one final desperate attempt, I leaned my body all the way over toward the shore and then I heard a giant splash (KER-SPLOOSH!), as the board turned sideways, and flung me into the cold, dark ocean. Shocked that I was now capsized and in the freezing water, I wrapped my arms around the bobbing, overturned board, saltwater wading into my mouth, nostrils, and eyes. (I was tied with a rope around my wrist to the board so that I had no choice but to stay put).
After a minute, I kicked furiously with my feet to see if I could move myself forward and toward the shore. However, the wind was against me and the overturned board had a long handlebar underneath that was causing a drag.
Can they see me? I wondered. I worried not just for myself, but also for my husband and daughter back on the beach. I shivered, and my legs felt numb… “ Oh, I hope they are getting help,” I pleaded. The exhaustion from traveling a panicked half-mile caused my heart to continue to race as fast as my legs were trying to kick toward the shore.
That is when I heard welcome music to my ears: Sirens. Loud, echoing sirens that called out to all the volunteers on Seven Mile Island. I knew help would be arriving soon, and while I was a little embarrassed to have caused such a hullabaloo, I felt relieved that help was on the way.
Maybe a motorboat might come to my rescue, I thought.
I waited in the water and held on tight and hoped they would hurry. Finally I started to calm down enough to stop my frantic pleadings and so I could begin to finally listen.
First, my new found ears heard the burrrooom ticka-ticka-ticka, burrrrooom, and looked up to see the alarming crimson helicopter carefully making a wide circle above me. Like a hovering, rumbling, rotund mosquito that was “tsk-tsk-ing” me for my panicking and capsizing, it buzzed overhead.
To my great chagrin, I then proceeded to tell the God of the Universe exactly how He should rescue me. “Not a helicopter, Lord. Just send me a motorboat. I don’t need a helicopter.”
I then heard a calm and authoritative voice deep inside me say, “I know what you need.”
I stopped kicking and surrendered to God. A peaceful hope replaced my panic as I decided to trust that God would provide a way out and that I didn’t need to give Him suggestions. Now that I had stopped struggling, I waited with calm expectancy, curious to see what would happen next.
It must have been at least ten minutes that I clutched the board while I faced the shore, attempting to spot my husband and daughter among the spectators lining the water’s edge.
To my great delight, I suddenly heard the vroom-Vroom-VROOM sound of a powerful race car engine. Like a strong and swift eagle flying over the waves, two energetic lifeguards swooped to my rescue upon a sleek and speedy jet ski. The zippy watercraft bounced upon the waves while water spouted up and behind to form a halo of spray around the lifeguards’ athletic frames. The bright sun shone behind their calm, yet compassionate, beautiful faces and once they arrived within earshot I called out to them, “Oh thank you! You are my angels!”
Greeting me, they assessed my situation, and both men lifted me up under each of my arms until I lay face down on the back paddle of the waverunner. I noticed handlebars available for a passenger to hold onto, but to my immense relief, they seemed to recognize my weariness and that I wouldn’t be able to hold on by myself for the trip back to shore. As a result, one of the kind lifeguards accompanied me on the back of the jet ski.
Soon I heard the revving up of the engine and the vroom-Vroom-VROOM as we rose up and glided over the ocean waves like a mother eagle who carries her young on her back and lifts them away from danger.
Each time we bounded over a wave, we slid, but the lifeguard recentered me and I giggled at each unexpected rescue. His warm and strong body secured me to the back paddle, and I smiled as giant splashes of salty water rained down and we raced to safety.
We soared over the finish line and landed at the edge of the shore.
Emergency responders approached while spectators clapped, smiled, and laughed. The brouhaha ended, and my husband and daughter ran up to
embrace me, along with two of the paramedics. A warm blanket wrapped my shoulders, and the cold numbness began to melt away.
You were right, God, I inwardly reflected. You knew just what I needed.
* * *
Keep Stirring
~~Sometimes love needs time to simmer~~
I almost gave up.
Maybe I didn’t follow the directions correctly. The still hard, grainy arborio rice, the main ingredient of a mushroom risotto dish, only left a stale, bitter taste when I tested it.
Ten more minutes passed after the recipe’s instructions for when it should have been done, and I was still stirring.
The goal for this unique rice would be, “Al Dente,” which means soft on the outside, but firm in the middle. (Think of Goldilocks who had to find the porridge that was, “just right.”)
My arm felt heavy as I continued to stir the mushroom risotto well past the 25 minutes promised in the recipe. The secret was to slowly add the boiling stock one ladle at a time, and to keep stirring. And stirring. And stirring.
If I left it for even a minute, then I might miss the “just right” moment.
My hungry husband entered the kitchen to check on my progress. As the
primary chef of the family, he offered me the relief I’d been hoping for, and took over my position.
In tiny amounts, he added water, gently stirred, and tasted some more. After ten more minutes of, “long-suffering,” the risotto transformed into Al Dente. The desire that I had thought might never, ever happen, finally did.
At dinner, the rice melted soft and creamy on my tongue. It seemed like rich velvety pasta that relaxed in my mouth, like when Goldilocks found just the right bed. At the same time, its tender form had retained its firmness so that it was not mushy. Each morsel, so distinct.
The flavors of mushroom and chicken stock blended together with true perfection.
Worth. The. Wait. Perhaps… some of the important matters in life might take the longest time.
What are you waiting for, sweet one, and where do you need a breakthrough?
Maybe it’s an old friend who has grown distant because of a misunderstanding. Maybe it’s a marriage that has turned cold and silent. Maybe you are experiencing sorrow because of the stony disposition of one of your children.
Oh, Dear Sweet Sister… your loved one’s heart is like the risotto rice kernel that is still in need of warmth, attention, and stirring. Keep standing, and keep adding the liquid of love and kindness. With patience, keep praying.
Ask God for the help you need to not give up. The hard shell of your loved one’s heart will eventually become soft. Remember, God yearns for unity and reconciliation, too. In fact, he loves your family and friends a trillion times more than you do.
Never leave the stove, Dear Sweet Sister, because at any moment you might gain a glimpse at the work that God is doing, —softening, restoring, and reconciling the relationship between them and God, and them and you.
Ask a trusted sister to stir with you. We sisters need each other to help in the kitchen of life.
The first ingredient in the recipe of love is patience. Additional ingredients are listed in I Corinthians 13:4-8, and include these: Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…
Love. Always. Wins.
* * *
Love. Always. Wins.
Oh my sweet friend, True Love Always Wins,
Come to The Well, again and again, Fill up to the brim with all that’s true,
He came to restore, make All things New, Oh my sweet friend, True Love Always Wins.
Oh my sweet friend, True Love Never Fails, Once we sat helpless in death-rows jail, God’s red love lavished to set us free, Long-suffering turns the prison door key,
Oh my sweet friend, True Love Never Fails.
Chorus:
True love is bloody, and sometimes it hurts, True love kneels down, and then takes off His shirt,
Love washes our feet and seeks all to Save, Love always wins, for He conquered the Grave.
Oh my sweet friend, True Love Always Wins, Love covers the ugliest of sins,
Pull out by the root your bitterness, Pay forward God’s undeserved forgiveness,
Oh my sweet friend, True Love ALWAYS Wins.
* * *
Discussion questions for those that want to delve deeper:
Like a panicked hamster, the author kept pedaling. Are you stressed and running frantically, perhaps on a “mental hamster wheel?” What causes your heart and thoughts to race? What do you need rescuing from, or what do you require God’s power to rise above?
How can you pause your panicked pedaling? Look up Psalm 46:10. Are you making time to be still and listen to God?
Why is the eagle considered the ‘King of the Air?’ Look up Isaiah 40:31. Are you tired and weary? What does it mean to mount up like an eagle? (An eagle can fly up to 10,000 feet above the ground and has incredible eyesight).
What is your favorite dish or dessert that takes a long time to prepare?
Read out loud I Corinthians 13: 4-8. In God’s recipe of love, what is the first ingredient? Why would this one be first on the list?
Read the poem, Love. Always. Wins. What is the goal of love? Why does love sometimes hurt? Why does love always win?
While you wait, what can you do to soften your own heart?
* * *
Time for Dessert
Reflect on all the ways that God has been patient with you.
Love softly knocks on our hearts, and never barges in.
Ouch. To be human and in relationship means that others will disappoint us. Sometimes it means they will hurt our feelings or worse betray us.
What is your response when others hurt you? To respond in anger? to withdraw? to give the silent treatment?
While I wrote the theme poem for my book Love. Always. Wins., I pondered the time Jesus got down on his knees and carefully and lovingly washed the feet of Judas; the one who would soon betray him for 30 pieces of silver. He didn’t skip Judas, even though Jesus knew (because He is God, He Knew what was going to happen in the future) that Judas would later betray Him publicly with a kiss of death.
Surprisingly, Jesus didn’t skip Judas, but instead Jesus became like a servant and washed and dried the feet of His future enemy while he did the same for those that loved and adored Him. He treated them all the same and lovingly made sure they were prepared for the revealing at this last Passover supper when Jesus would confirm that He was going to be the eternal, perfect, sacrificial lamb.
How could Jesus do this?
Jesus knew that no person could prevent God’s perfect plan. He did not have to fear what Judas would do, for He knew that no person could ever prevent God’s great plan and will for Him. In fact Judas’ betrayal was part of the plan.
What was Jesus response to Judas? Love. His role was to Love…………. for God is Love.
Why did He do this?
Perhaps one part of why He did this was to model for us what we should do when others hurt us. Jesus knew that His followers would also have frienemies and He promised to pray for us. And He gave us this beautiful example of how to live free of bitterness and resentment. As disciples of Him, we are to imitate Jesus in every tough and messy situation. We can let go of our anger and focus on the truth that No person in your life or mine can prevent God’s wonderful, fruitful plan for us.
So what do we do ? We are not to “keep a record of wrongs” but to focus on the good of the person. My best piece of practical advice is to write down Ten good things about the person. Then, ask God for help you to forgive as generously and completely as you have been forgiven by God. Pray to God to bless the one who has hurt you. Then, you will have the sweet thrill of Victory…..not the bitter taste of resentment and revenge.
Years ago, I delivered a premature baby girl named Megan, who only lived 40 days in the NICU. I was so weak with grief that I didn’t have the energy to search my Bible for comforting and helpful verses.
But:) ………..I had a dear friend, who picked Bible verses and attached objects to these verses, and these fed me like precious manna from Heaven, as I would reach in the bag each day and and pull out a verse with an object attached.
After this season of grief, I have made my own “love kits” to help others who are weary with grief, recovering from an operation or facing cancer treatments.
I have found that writing out the scriptures and attaching the objects encourages me as much as the recipient. You can place these on index cards and attach the objects and place in a pretty bag. or perhaps place on sticks and put them in a flower pot. Pray for your friend and add your own favorite scriptures and ask for the Holy Spirits creativity as to what object to attach.
Love kit
I lift up my eyes to the mountain. Where does my help come from? My help come from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-He who watches over you will not slumber; Indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. Psalm 121-1. (wiggly eyes)
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7 (two pennies or yarn for hair)
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10. (glue sick)
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; Will Help You”. Isaiah 41:13. ( life-savor candy )
Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since your birth, and have carried since you were born. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4. ( gray yarn)
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7 (two pennies or yarn for hair)
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3 12-14 ( band aid)
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. John 3: 16-17 ( a candy mint or peppermint life-savor- you are worth a mint)
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8. ( a magnet- plastic letter magnet)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. Romans 8:28-29. ( rubberband- be flexible while you wait)
He will cover you with His feathers; Under His wings you will find refuge;His faithfulness is a shield and rampart. Because you have made the LORD your dwelling—My refuge, the Most High—No evil will befall you,No plague will approach your tent. For He will command His angels concerning youTo guard you in all your ways. Psalm 91:1 ( feather)
“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.”
Ecclesiastes 7:2
Most people dread going to a funeral. Oh, and I so get it. We feel awkward and helpless and we might wonder “What should I say?” and of course we naturally don’t want to see our loved ones sorrowing. So many of us would rather not face a reminder that death exists and that our time on this earth is fleeting.
Yet, when we attend a viewing and/or funeral and embrace a loved one and say, “I am so sorry” we are bearing a part of their pain. Each person that attends gives comfort and make the load of grief a little lighter. Sacrificing your time and traveling is a way to show Love is a tangible way. One biblical definition of Love is to “Bear all things” and sharing in the sorrow of a close friend or relative is an honor and blessing.
But there is another reason why going to a funeral is so important:
Death IS our destiny.
A funeral is an opportunity to think about our own future funeral and destiny. Some questions to reflect on at a funeral include: Are you ready to face a holy God ? What type of legacy will you have left for your family? Are you building up God’s kingdom here on earth? What will you leave behind that will point generations behind you to Jesus?
Since Death is our destiny, funerals teach us so much more than any superficial party or feast ever could.
I recently attended a funeral of a soul sister whose beautiful, faithful life demonstrated the secret of a peaceful death.
Last month, I was in an airport dressing room trying on clothes, as I had some extra time before a flight, when I received a shocking text from my dear friend Heidi’s phone.
Her daughter had found her phone and wrote me, “I wanted to let you know that my mom passed away unexpectedly yesterday. She passed peacefully, but our family is very much still in shock and could use your prayers.“
My mind could not comprehend that my friend could be dead. She was not ill and just the week before was her birthday. Later, I found out that a blood clot to the heart had caused the sudden death of my friend.
After hearing from her daughter, I scrolled back to our last conversation: After I texted her “Happy Birthday!” and I encouraged her to “keep Looking to Jesus” she shared about some up- incoming trips with her family and husband. Heidi was a homebody and so I knew that while part of her was excited about the future trips, traveling brought her anxiety too. She chose to end her text with hope that God would help her.
Always Looking to Jesus! She affirmed.
She had added the word Always and an exclamation mark followed by a prayer emoji with hearts.
The prayer emoji was my first clue of how she was dealing with her anxiety and had found inner peace.
I sat in shock on the dressing room bench and tried to comprehend this news. Her precious four children and adoring husband all now grieving a sudden heart- wrenching loss. How? Why? No!
I responded to her daughter, “Oh Katie!!! I am just so so so sorry. Sweet Katie…our comfort is that Your Mom knew the Lord…she is safe in His arms.
Even though my heart hurt for her family, as I looked back at her loving, gentle way and her final texts to me on her birthday just a week before, I felt such peace and assurance that she was now:
Looking straight into the most beautiful face in the world: The adoring and adorable face of Jesus.
This belief was confirmed in a special way at Heidi’s funeral and reception.
During the funeral each of her children shared some memories of their mom. These memories were read by her brother. He spoke as the tears flowed down his cheeks and especially struggled as his read about a dream Heidi’s youngest daughter had many years before.
Allison (Heidi’s youngest daughter) shared that she dreamed of heaven and of a house made of clouds. On the front porch were some rocking chairs. After the dream and years later, she recognized two of the men by photos later to be her mom’s deceased father and stepfather. In this dream, that God had given her 10 years before, one of the chairs was empty. After her mom’s passing, she knew deep in her soul that the empty chair was now occupied by her mom.
But wait ….I need to share where Heidi was found dead by her husband.
He found her in a chair.
Not just any chair. A chair in a special prayer room where Heidi would sit and pray. During the reception I had the honor and blessing of sitting in her chair with her blanket over me. (for she was often cold)
She had carefully placed favorite bible verses all around the chair. She left behind proof that she valued and believed in God’s Word.
One of her last texts included: “I love sayings, scripture and words of wisdom all around”.
Was this how she “looked to Jesus”? Yes! I had found her secret to how to look to Jesus on this earth and to have eternal peace.
Her secret was her ‘secret prayer room’.
These are some of the scripture and inspirational quotes she put around her room:
I want to be found where she was found…for she was found surrounded with the life-giving words of the Holy Bible.
What a beautiful Way to leave this earth. Jesus came to walk her home from the chair where she would talk to Jesus and seek His face.
Now she is Always looking at the most beautiful face of Jesus.
Long ago this was a common greeting in Ireland meaning “the best part of the morning to you” and you my friend would say back to me, “And the rest of the day to you”.
I am an O’Brien, which on the Emerald Isle means “House or descendant of Brian”. (Brian Boru was the High King of Ireland until 1014) Since I now hold the Irish married last name of O’Brien, I am often asked how our family celebrates St. Patty’s day. While most people drink green beer and focus on the modern symbols of leprechauns, four leaf clovers and wearing a green piece of clothing so they won’t be pinched ; my thoughts have gone deeper to an awe-filled pondering, the more I learn about the amazing real -life hero of St. Patrick.
How did he do it? I wonder.
How did St. Patrick forgive the Irish pirates that enslaved him? At age 16 he was kidnapped from Britain and taken away far from his homeland and family to a wet and chilly island called Ireland and for six years was mistreated as a slave.
But this is the part that really blows my weak and unforgiving heart and mind……..after arriving home he studies to become a priest and then travels back to share the good news to the very place where he was enslaved.
Whoa Nelly…..hold back that unicorn jumping over a 7 colored rainbow and slowly and carefully Ponder with me what appears to be humanly impossible.
So St. Patrick not only forgives the people who enslaved him, he spends 20 years traveling the island of Ireland to share the truth of how Jesus came to set them free. For the Irish people of the 5th century this included being free from druidism and all kinds of paganistic practices. He was beaten during this time and robbed and put in prison and enslaved again for 60 days yet he keep helping those that continued to try to hurt him.
How do you think he was able to forgive and then spend his life shepherding these lost people who worshiped false gods and people?
“After I arrived in Ireland, I tended sheep every day and I prayed frequently during the day. More and more the Love of God increased, and my sense of awe before God. Faith grew, and my spirit was moved, so in one day I would pray up to one hundred times and at night perhaps the same.” St. Patrick’s Confessio
He states that before he was captured, “He knew not the true God” and I believe that those years of prayer including much confessions and sweet forgiveness. In fact, he begins his autobiography as, “My name is Patrick. I am a sinner.”
After six years of working as an enslaved shepherd and most of all six years of prayerfully waiting: God spoke to Patrick in a dream, saying, “You have fasted well. Very soon you will return to your native country. Then a later voice in a dream said, “Look—your ship is ready.”
He escaped and walked 200 miles to the Irish coast, boarded a ship and eventually home to his family.
God rescued him and brought him home! One would think that would be the end of the story. But God. But God and His love for the Irish people who were involved with all types of paganism and perversions.
Patrick knew the Joy and the gift of being spiritually and physically set free and he quotes this verse that so speaks to his experience in his autobiography.
“Call on me in the day of your distress, and I will set you free and you will glorify me.” Psalm 50:15
St. Patrick knew deep in his soul that he had been forgiven much and so he wanted to extend that love, as a shepherd seeks to protect and care for his sheep.
After Patrick’s escape from slavery and reunion with his loved ones; He decides to become a priest. This took 15 long years of study and preparation. It was not until Patrick was 40 years old that he traveled back to Ireland because of another dream.
He dreamed that he was given a letter from the Irish people and he heard their voices saying, ” We beg you, holy boy, to come and walk again among us”.
Guess who is believed to be the first Irishman that St.Patrick successfully shared about the One True God to?
Milchu, a high priest of druidism, who was Patrick’s former master. (Druids believed that there were many gods and worshiped nature. Ritual Sites were built all over Ireland as they literally worshiped the sun)
Imagine Milchu’s surprise to have a former slave of his come back and not only forgive him of his own personal sins, but share how All his sins could be forgiven. Patrick came back to share the truth that there is only One True God who has three names: the father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
( Did he use a three leaf clover to teach the trinity? or is this just tradition? either way He told them about the trinity and Patrick loved his former master and the Irish people so much that he came back and walked among them)
Patrick explains:
“His (God’s) gift was that I would spend my life, if I were worthy of it, to serving them in truth and with humility to the end.”
The ripple effect of Patrick’s forgiveness and mission is astonishing. What a beautiful ripple of Love: Patrick asks God for forgiveness and is set free of sin and forms a personal relationship with the good shepherd as he himself is shepherding. Then he forgives the people who kidnapped and enslaved him, and comes to tell them how to be set free of their own sins and come to know the One True God. Then Monks who came to know the one true God through the ministry of St. Patrick, lovingly write out the Bible by hand and preserve the precious Word of God. (Book of Kells) Then these monks left the Emerald Isle to share with other European countries about how to be set free. The ripple effect of love and forgiveness continues.
Patrick’s joy shines through as he writes:
I am greatly in debt to God. He gave me such great grace, that through me, many people should be born again to God and brought to full life”.
God Gives His Best to us and so we should want to Give God our best.
Just like the Irish greeting about wishing a friend the best part of the day.
Are you emotional and anxious about the approaching holidays? Perhaps this will be the first Thanksgiving without a loved one present? Or you have a family member who scrapes you like sandpaper and you dread a potential conflict?
First, I want to assure you Jesus was human too and understands all the bundle of emotions that we deal with. Most of all, He showed us what to do when faced with large emotions. He came to earth to model what to do when emotions rise and we feel our eyes about to pour up and out with tears or our mouths speak words we can’t take back.
And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
Matthew 26:39
As children we learn 4 very important words to help us to remember what to do if our clothes were to catch on fire.
“Stop, drop and roll ”.
Fire is something that needs to be dealt with right away. Thus, instead of running around or ignoring that one is on fire, we learn that the best course of action is to stop and drop and smother the fire by rolling on the ground.
I have been guilty of stuffing down my emotions until I explode like popping coals on some unsuspecting family member. At first, I imagine I am being kind by letting things slide and not being honest with myself and my family about things that bother me. However, letting our emotions build inside and then like a volcano erupt out searing words of fiery ash is not fair and certainly not kind. What should we do to relieve the pressure of built-up irritations, hurts and resentment?
Jesus modeled this for us in the garden of Gethsemane. He went farther away from his disciples and then dropped to the ground and lay prostrate before His father in prayer. He drew closer to his Father and honestly poured out all that was on his heart. Then He prayed the perfect prayer of a surrendered life, “Not as I will, but as you will.” After this agonizing time of intense prayer, Jesus was strengthened and was able to complete his mission in a calm and controlled manner.
Have you ever heard of the term “Cozy corner?” A Cozy corner is a quiet place away from the drama of others, where we can pull away and breathe deep and pray for help, strength, patience and love.
Where is your cozy corner? Or better yet, Who is your cozy corner?
You are a hiding place. You protect me from trouble; you surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you with my eye on you. (Psalm 32:7-8)
Having strong emotions is not wrong; emotions are not negative but can inform and teach us. However, we need the Holy spirit to help us to find healthy ways to express and release our emotions so they don’t build up and we explode or we push them so far down we become stuck.
If the emotions start to rise within in, step away from your family and spend a little time asking God for perspective and for healthy ways to express yourself. “Help, Lord” …”give me Love for so and so” , or “I am so sad with out my family member here…what can we do to honor them together?” “
So whether you are in the desert of grief over the loss of a loved one, in the storms of messy relationships or perhaps have heart-burn from making a poor choice; come away into Jesus, who promises to be our cool, refreshing hiding place.
Psalm 51:7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
After ten long months of trying, Brian (our adult son with Down syndrome) has been consistently wearing his CPAP machine at night. At first we were rewarding him with little bags of peanut M&Ms, but as his times increased he was earning meals out at restaurants. When his doctor pointed out that these rewards were not helping him lose weight, we switched to cool gadgets as prizes.
Today, his black light pen arrived. Amazon said it was good for finding scorpions and pet stains. We don’t have scorpions and I didn’t really want to find pet stains, so I figured it would be fun just to shine it in a dark room and see what would glow. We went into the windowless powder room and closed the door.
Now I have never claimed to be a good housekeeper, but we do try to keep the powder room “guest-ready” at all times. To my eyes, it was not visibly dirty. Oh friends, the black light revealed the truth. I don’t want to gross you out, but suffice it to say, the purple glow lit up a splatter pattern all over the wall, floor, and toilet that had me running for the bleach spray. (Brian is absolutely delighted with this prize.)
I am the powder room. I tidy myself up and present a “nice Christian lady” image to the people who are “guests” in my life. I’ve gotten pretty good at appearing clean and shiny to the world. But here’s the thing: God sees the real me and his Word shines on my heart and reveals the truth. I’ve got sin splattered everywhere.
It turns out I’m not the only one who’s a mess. Whole chapters of Leviticus deal with God’s regulations for cleansing rituals. The scriptures make it pretty clear that we are all in desperate need of purification and atonement. In Psalm 51, David recognized his need for God to wash away the splatter made by his sin with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
Leviticus 16 explains how every year on the Day of Atonement the High Priest had to make blood sacrifices of goats and calves for the sins of the people. The problem with all those rituals is that the cleansing was temporary and needed to be repeated. The people would always commit new sins, and the animal blood did not have the power of eternal redemption.
However, the writer of Hebrews tells us in chapter 9 that without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sin. The solution to the problem, of course, is Jesus. I can’t read Hebrews 9 without also hearing the voice of John the Baptist proclaim “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world!”
.
11 But when Christ came as high priest … 12 He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves; but he entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, thus obtaining eternal redemption.
This old hymn by Robert Lowry preaches gospel truth:
1 What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Refrain:
O precious is the flow
that makes me white as snow;
no other fount I know;
nothing but the blood of Jesus.
2 For my pardon this I see:
nothing but the blood of Jesus.
For my cleansing this my plea:
nothing but the blood of Jesus. [Refrain]
3 Nothing can for sin atone:
nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Naught of good that I have done:
nothing but the blood of Jesus. [Refrain]
4 This is all my hope and peace:
nothing but the blood of Jesus.
This is all my righteousness:
nothing but the blood of Jesus. [Refrain]
Christ’s sacrifice on the cross was enough. His blood has the power to cleanse the splatter of all of my sins – past, present, and future. I love the lyrics to this hymn by Elvina Hall: Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain. He washed it white as snow.
I’m ashamed to say that my powder room will be dirty again. Now I can use Brian’s blacklight to find what needs to be thoroughly cleaned. And although God is transforming me to be more like His Son through the process of sanctification, I know that I still sin daily. I need to read God’s Word, listen to the Holy Spirit, and pray for God to convict me of sin. As He illuminates it, I will pray and repent, confident in the wonder-working power of the blood of the Lamb to wash it away.
Dear Lord, my sin is ever before you. There is no hiding from the light of your Word. You have searched me and have known me. I repent and receive forgiveness through Your Son Jesus. Create in me a clean heart. Wash me and I will be whiter than snow. Amen.
Look at this sweet picture! I bought it for two dollars, as I gave one dollar to a 6 year old budding artist and one to her 3 year old sister who were selling their creations on the front steps of their beach home. “Oh I love rainbows!” I told them when I spotted this one.
“Rain and sun are both needed for a rainbow” I exclaimed as I excitedly confirmed to the young artist how scientifically accurate her masterpiece that includes piercing sharp raindrops falling while the smiling sun shines above the rainbow.
Also, most encouraging to me was how God orchestrated the timing and positioning so that I would walk my bicycle past their porch. (rather than ride by on the street)
Just a few moments before, as I was about to go back onto a bike path, a couple walked right in front of me without noticing or caring. I must admit that inside my head some complaining occurred...wow….they are not paying attention and and blocking my way….How Rude!”
I decided to take a detour and to walk the bike on a sidewalk for a bit until the next intersection and that is when I noticed two young girls selling their wares. “Do you have any money?” the older girl bluntly asked causing her mom and I to laugh. I assured her that I did, as I had a few dollar bills ready in my pocket after visiting a local bakery. I oohhhed and ahhhed over the pictures and did my best to encourage the sisters and their proud momma.
Voila, a God-incidence in the making because I was nudged onto a different path.
If not for those two people walking in front of me and pushing me to walk my bike further, I would have missed this God-ordained interaction. When they thanked me for the payment, I reminded them of who the money was really from, stating “my money is God’s money, so this is from God”.
As I put the drawing in my basket, I rode off saying, “God loves you all so much”.
So what is the rain in your life my friend? Most likely yours is a bigger storm than rude people. There are storms happening all over. I have people in my life who are grieving the sudden death of a loved one and are walking around with wounded souls and torn hearts. I know of recent medical diagnoses that seem hopeless from the worlds perspective. Perhaps you have loved ones who are not speaking and the division is affecting the entire family. I so wish I could make everything all better for you, my sister. Just like you, I wish that I could heal all grieving hearts, bodies and relationships.
But while I can’t take away the rain and for some reason God hasn’t, ( yet…for we know that All wounds will be healed in Heaven) I did want to remind you of an important Truth:
God works All things out for good. All things. Not just some things or some of the time. All. things. All. of. the. time.
For we know that in All things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
Our God is like a masterful conductor who is weaving all the instrument notes together to create a beautiful symphony. Like using rude people to get us where we need to be. Sometimes He uses wounded hearts and broken bodies to humble us and lead us closer to Him. I look back over the rainy times in my life, and those were when I clung to Jesus harder and His word spoke to me most vividly. Looking back, these gloomy, stormy times helped me to be more sensitive to others, deepened my relationship with Jesus and drew me closer to some God-appointed people on my un-planned rainy path.
I have found that journaling is such a great way to process and release the many emotions and questions that occur when we are pushed off our paths. So I encourage you to find a notebook and let the cleansing tears fall as you write down your losses and your future fears. Let your anger out as you write out your hurt and disappointment. (stuffing emotions down inside can cause anger, resentment and depression) So let. it. all. out. my friend.
After I let out all my thoughts and emotions through journaling, then I wait and listen and look in the Bible for answers. I also always end my time filling up with refreshing truth and thanksgiving. I write out 3 good things (gratitudes) that God has done or given me and three characteristics of God. Such as: God is good, God is Love, and God is in control.
God is still on His throne my friend. He is still working All things out for good for you and your family and most of all His Kingdom. He is with you in the storm, shining through your tears.
“I wrote a poem about rainbows”, I told the mom and girls. “When you see a rainbow it is a kiss from God reminding you that He is with you”
He is with you my friend and He promises that He is going to use All things in your life for good. (He’s got the long game ) God promises to turn this detour into good. Trust in the Rainbow maker.
(the son of our dear former neighbors completed suicide and I was given the honor of speaking at his celebration of life. Oh how I love Steve who is now “healed in heaven”, his mom and dad, brother and sister so much. As I wrote and painfully delivered these words my heart was feeling the great heartache of all involved. yet………
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. Thessalonians 4:13-14
I feel so connected to the Narup family and to Steve for our families have shared so many highs and lows together. For over 12 years the Narups lived next door to my young family in Country walk community and we literally shared a backyard. A rainbow playground set became the kids meeting place as well as the court behind our homes. My three children and Stef. Steve and Jon and the other neighborhood children built forts on that Rainbow jungle gym. They played Red Rover, kick the can, dodge ball and so many fun outside games. The hill connecting the Narup home and our OBrien home became the perfect sledding area as the children held onto each other and laughed and shouted as they raced down the hill together. They laughed and played and sometimes squabbled. Most times, they were more like siblings than neighbors. Since my children were younger and needed more supervision, I was often outside and sometimes would guide them with conflict resolution. OK so What happened ? so What should you have done? What should you do now? You could say you’re sorry and that you’ll never do that again….ok now its your turn ….you can Say I forgive you and both of you hug or shake hands ….now go on and play and never bring up what happened again. The children would say they were sorry and forgive so quickly and completely and then proceed to play together as if the offence never happened……you know I think that might be one of the reasons why it says in the Bible that we must be like little children to enter the Kingdom of God.
Steve had such a kind heart and definitely took on a big brother role with the younger children. During my children’s birthday parties, sometimes he would help led a game station, I watched as Steve patiently helped and encouraged the younger children and then proudly give then a prize. Later, I watched that same kind and gentle heart grow even larger as he so enjoyed being a dad to his daughter Madison. He was the middle child who so adored His older beautiful and vivacious sister Stef and so cherished his younger brother Jon who is so bright and creative. He was so loved and cared for by his mom and dad who faithfully supported him as he grew and gained confidence socially and in his career. I could tell Steve was both an observer and a deep thinker. Three years ago he sent me one of the kindest birthday messages I have ever received. In it, he thanked me for my role in his life and his family and then he told me to “stay on the path”. I am still so touched every time I think about it: for he reached out to me with gratitude and encouraged me to stay on the narrow path…even though he himself was struggling and searching for his own path.
On Easter Day, he used up some of his last bit of energy to get to church and say He was sorry for his sins and receive the cleansing forgiveness of the sacrament of baptism. He publicly chose to be a follower of Jesus Christ who is the Way, the truth and the Life. He chose the path that leads to everlasting life.
I was recently reminded of the story of the two men who were crucified on either side of Jesus.
One of the men was an observer and a deep thinker and recognized Who Jesus was and despite being in great pain turned to Jesus. He said, “remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”
So this late convert who made the good choice…who chose to turn to Jesus while suffering, still physically died that bittersweet day.
He was not immediately rescued, and angels didn’t come to remove him from the cross that he bore.
But we know from God’s word that the man was spiritually reborn the moment that he turned to Jesus. He was completely forgiven, his wounds are now healed in heaven and he is suffering no longer.
And we trust that Steve is completely forgiven, Steve’s wounds are Healed in heaven and Steve is suffering no longer.
For God so loved Steve that He gave His only begotten Son Jesus, that if Steve believes in Him, He should Not perish but have everlasting life.
(for those of you who are hurting now with a broken heart and feeling left behind and perhaps angry or confused by it all ….. I believe Steve would say to you, “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Will you please forgive me? “
And for those of you who, like me, feel a heavy weight of guilt and wish that you had done more for Steve or tried harder or perhaps you left some words unsaid, I believe Steve would say to you and me , “I forgive you, I always knew that you loved me. I love you and I am praying for you. I am praying that you will use every bit of energy that you have to find the path. For only God’s love can heal a broken heart.
And for those that have already found the One who is the Way and the truth and the Life …I believe Steve is now praying and patiently encouraging us as he echos out what all the angels and saints around God’s throne are saying as they are cheering us on: keep going forward, look upward ….. .and Stay on the path!!!!!! )
Wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it.Proverbs 13:11 (ESV)
First, excitement.
At the base of the mountain, staring upward at the 600 concrete steps, the task of climbing seemed like a fun adventure in the cool of the morning.
However, the steep incline soon challenged my husband and I, and our steps slowed after 100 as our hearts and breathing increased. Oh my! I thought, 500 steps still to go.
Little platforms lined the steps and so we stopped for a break, eating juicy, purple grapes while taking in the increasing view. How amazing that after a short rest, we had a burst of energy to go up 100 more steps.
So, step by step, little by little, we slowly climbed up the mountain. Taking breaks. Replenishing our bodies. Enjoying each small goal along the way. The renewed energy after a time of rest always surprised and encouraged me.
Finally, we reached the summit and were rewarded with spectacular 360-degree views. The joy of accomplishment resulted in big smiles and raised arms for the breathtaking photos. The victory of reaching our goal was worth every step as we bounded down the mountain with great ease.
This recent hiking trip with my husband and business partner reminded me of how in a similar way we have through the decades built up our family and business. We started with excitement, but the demands of raising children and growing a thriving business were challenging. I confess that there were times I wanted to quit or run away to an island in the early stages of both callings.
But then we learned to instead of quitting, to bit by bit, step by step, do a little each day. A wise woman once said to me, “Our lives are an accumulation of all the little choices we make along the way”.
Some good choices included taking intentional breaks along the way. Scheduled date nights on the calendar. Sunday family worship. Business lunches and longer retreats to rest, replenish, and regroup.
When we stop to rest, this is often when a creative idea or solution results.
So, what is your summit my sweet sister?
Spiritual? Physical? Financial? Relational?
Write down your goal and then start breaking it “bit by bit” into smaller goals.
For example: If your goal is to increase your prayer life but you are in a very busy season of your life, instead of praying for 10 people when you wake up, perhaps make a commitment throughout the day to pray for whoever God brings in your path or to your mind. Soon, these short “in the moment” prayers will add up. Prayer by prayer, action by action, you will build up spiritual treasure.
So don’t quit, but bit by bit keep walking toward your summit. It will be worth the climb.
Lord, thank you for promising to be with me and to help me. Please open only doors that would be good long term and please close any doors that are not in your perfect will. Please give me wisdom on the best way to care for my body, mind, and soul and show me how to take healthy breaks and enjoy the people and the scenery you have laid in my path.
In Jesus’ Name, amen
For Deeper Study
Matthew 6:19-20: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (NIV)
What can you do for just 10 minutes today to help you to walk toward a little goal? What can you do for 10 seconds a day multiple times throughout your day?
I’d love to hear from you! Share your goals and thoughts in the comments.
I woke up with an awful dream fresh in my mind. Two animals who turned into two people were bitten over and over by venomous snakes. It was horrifying. Yet as I pondered it, I was reminded of the narrative in the Book of Numbers where the children of Israel were grumbling and complaining about so many things even after being rescued from the hands of the Egyptians and slavery. Despite many warnings, they continued their disgruntled attitude towards the Lord and Moses, and consequently, the Lord sent fiery serpents to bite the people. “Then the Lord sent poisonous snakes among the people, and they bit them so that many Israelites died”(Numbers 21:6).
The good news is that God does not send judgment without a provision of mercy.
Moses heard from the Lord, Who told him to place a serpent on a pole, and Moses did so by forming a serpent from bronze. Anyone who would look up at the serpent on the pole would be healed. I had assumed the mention of “serpent” in the Bible always referred to the devil, but here, the serpent on the pole stands for the hideous sin nature, and when we live ruled by this nature, our sin continually bites us. It became clear to me that it was Jesus they were to look up to on the pole for He BECAME that ugly venomous sin nature. The perfect Lamb of God allowed Himself to be killed in our place, and then went to hell FOR us, before rising again to resume His place at the right hand of God the Father.
The Israelites’ sins were a lack of contentment over what God had provided and continual murmurings in their weariness. We can explain these things away as if they aren’t so bad or we can try to justify them, but they are not light matters to God. In fact, the Lord was crucified for these sins and the nature that produces them. They are poisonous and have no place in the life of a believer. In Psalm 141:2, we can see it is okay to pour out our complaint to God, but then we leave it there with Him rather than continue to feed on the dissatisfaction, whether within ourselves or verbally to others.
Do everything without complaining or arguing ; Philippians 2:14
How beautiful though that if we do we fall into bitterness or moaning over our own lot, we can avoid being overcome by the venom! Whether we have already trusted Him as the Savior but feel stuck in our sin, or we have not yet opened our hearts to Him, we only have to turn our gaze from the horizontal and look up at the Cross. Here His mercy heals our deadly “snake bites.” Here, by His grace, our hearts are freed from ourselves to love and obey our Lord, and bask in what His Hand has provided. It just takes a look.
“Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts.” Jeremiah 15:16
Anyone who has dogs will know what is pictured here. It is a wonderful toy that you stuff with treats. Not only does it keep your canine companion busy for a while, but the problem-solving and chewing help use up hyper energy with the end result (you hope) being a calmer pup.
Today I spent half an hour digging out the old stale treats that no longer interest my dogs, then refilled the toys with fresh tasty ones. I often claim I don’t have enough time to get things done that need doing, so why would I place such importance on this? Well, my furry pets are my responsibility and it gives me a lot of pleasure to see them happy chewing on their doggy treat toys, and it also helps the household to have calmer pets around.
Proverbs 12:10a states, “Whoever is righteous has regard for the life of his beast,..” It IS important to take care of what God has given me including the beasts in my family! So I make time for them.
What is the main message here? It is that we DO make time for what we WANT to make time for. I have had days where I spent five minutes reading a devotional, then two hours watching a good movie (British mysteries or Jane Austen are addicting) and another good hour working on logic puzzles. Priority check!
I’m speaking to “me, myself and I” here!!!
I decided this Lenten season that giving up something was not what would draw me closer to God. This is not to downplay anybody else’s efforts. You alone know what you need, and I know what I need—
a larger dose of God’s Word. If I can clean out my dogs’ toys for 30 minutes, then surely I can find 30 minutes (even if it is two sets of 15 or three sets of 10) to open-heartedly read from God’s Word. He finds pleasure in filling my soul with His promises, and this time just may serve to exchange my own nervous energy for calm, making my household a more peaceful place for both my human and my furry family.
Job 23:12b says, “I have treasured up the Words of His mouth more than my necessary food.” I’m taking care of my dogs’ necessary food. It’s time to prioritize feeding my soul.
Have you ever walked into a room and knew that a diaper needed to be changed? What if it was your own child? How long would you wait to change the diaper? Even if you knew that they would need another diaper change later that day, I bet you would help them.
I recently read about how confessing our sins to God is like getting our diaper changed in a book by Fr. Donald Calloway, and the analogy wouldn’t leave me alone. I keep thinking to myself, “Oh Lord, a certain family member really needs their diaper changed. He/she needs to confess and be made clean. I don’t like smelling the odor of their dirty words and their angry tone.”
And then God gave me a reality check through the words of Jesus: “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in our own eye?”
Ouch! Jesus’ question hit me like an arrow straight into my hardened, judgmental heart. It had been too long since I had spent time praying and asking God to show me what I needed to confess. Perhaps I am the one who is smelling up the room?
So I sat with my journal and asked the holy spirit to convict me of any selfish words, attitudes or actions that have offended my holy Father. The longer I sat the more the spirit revealed.
A verse I had memorized years before encouraged me that God would be faithful to help clean me up. “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
So I encourage you to sit in quiet and spend time asking the Lord for what you might need to confess. Sometimes I start by meditating on God’s definition of Love in 1 Corinthians 13-4-5. “Love is patient, Love is Kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
When I reflect on God’s sacrificial pure love in I Corinthians 13, I often get a reality check that my diaper needs a changing. May our reality checks always lead to attitude checks on how we love those in our lives.
I am slowly learning that our job is not to judge those around me but to love them and perhaps through our own joy of being made fresh, clean and forgiven; they might be encouraged to get clean too.
So my sweet sister, do you need your diaper changed today? I know I do.
“your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:8b
by Annie Haroun
I wasn’t particularly pleased with the song selections as I flipped through the radio stations in my car. I decided to myself, “This is it. I’m going to turn the radio off and pray out loud, and storm heaven while I drive home.” As I pushed the power switch to off, the sun, in all of it’s fiery brilliance, made a sudden jump out from behind the trees as if to shout “BOO! Here I am waiting for you.”
As I continued along the curvy road, it would hide, then quickly switch on as a spotlight aimed at me with its blinding orange glare, only to disappear again. It was still daylight and each time that it popped out, it would then descend a little lower behind the trees. By the time I arrived home, the daylight was almost gone and the sun had set. There were no prayers said out loud as intended. There was no storming of Heaven with my requests.
There was simply and quite romantically the peaceful sense of God with me in the moment as I enjoyed and was bedazzled by His blazing sun. He had used His glorious creation to hold and hug me. He knows my heart. He knows my longings. He knows my humanity. And He met me. That’s all that mattered. A holy perfect God met me where I was and He loved me.
Show your gratitude to God today by giving someone a Kindness inspired by the Holy Spirit. (KISS)
Yesterday marked the anniversary of my infant daughter’s ‘Heaven Day.’ After 40 days of encouraging ups and heartbreaking downs in the NICU, God’s loving presence embraced me as I held my baby’s beautiful, perfectly formed body for the last time. Peace covered me like the soft, warm wings of the angels that carried her home.
Days later, while I watched her tiny coffin lowered carefully into the frozen ground, this peace continued to cover me as the thick, white snow clings to a barren tree.
Soon after all my friends and family went back to their own lives, I realized why the loss of a child has been described as having one’s arm cut off. The limb will never grow back, and the pain is agonizing as the process of the raw, open wound slowly heals. Insensitive comments and pat explanations sting as if salt is being rubbed into the open wound.
My husband and I both carried gaping wounds and grieved differently. As a result, we could not comfort each other. During this lonely, terrible time of darkness, my sensitive small daughters each regressed as they reacted to the recent rollercoaster of events and emotions. The oldest, who before Megan’s death had been potty-trained, reverted and started to cling to me for support. Both vied for my attention, and bickered between themselves. I struggled to care for them as the grief sapped so much of my energy.
For example, I remember standing at the sink one day, and yelling out to God, “Why did you give her to me… only to take her away?” Tears ran down my cheeks and I shook with pain. Underneath my anger cried a hurt little girl who felt that God had ignored her prayers. Truly, I had begged for God to heal my baby.
A few months after both the funeral and my emotional outburst to God, I bundled up my two older daughters (three-and-a-half, and two-years-old), and drove to the local mall. Soon after we arrived, I decided to buy ice cream for my precious little ones in the food court. When I approached the register to pay for it, the cashier explained that our treats had been taken care of. The bearded man explained, “Each day a man comes here, and picks someone to buy ice cream for. Today he picked you and your little girls.”
Oh what a sweet kiss from God when I needed it the most.
My need wasn’t money, for I had plenty to buy ice cream. But what I had needed to know was that God saw me. I needed to know that He cared about me, and that He would tend to my tender faith and raw questions.
I now had proof that I was not alone. This was the beginning of my awakening to the fact that God saw my sore, hurting heart, and grieved with me. He would gently guide me through my journey, and help me one moment at a time.
God’s loving touch of sweet provision soothed my raw, hurting heart as cool, sweet ice cream runs down and coats a sore throat.
Twenty-four years later, my eyes still fill with mist when I remember how I felt during this time, the lowest and loneliest season in my life. But then those sad tears join with ones of gratefulness as I also remember God’s personal kisses of kindness.
I now realize how important doing acts of kindness anonymously can be, for then the recipient does not have to use up energy to repay anybody back. Because of this, the recipient can truly receive a gift from the hand of God —the One who is The Giver of all good gifts.
I call these inspired and Spirit-led acts of kindness giving a KISS from God.
A KISS is different from the often referred to, “Random Act of Kindness” or “RAK,” which has the connotation of just being due to random luck. Instead, a “Kiss” in not accidental at all, but consists of who looks and prays for someone who is hurting, and by listening to God, takes action for how to best respond.
“What is Love to me?” someone might ask.
A small cone of vanilla ice cream given by a stranger.
Happy New year to you my friend! Did you know that every 50 years comes a really special one? …. the Jubilee. I have found the secret of how to have this joyous Jubilee year right now in 2022.
So let me start by explaining about the Year of Jubilee in the Old Testament. On the day when the awaited Jubilee year begins ( kind of like our New Year’s Eve) a single long victorious blast (after 10 days of fasting, prayer and repentance) rang out announcing freedom and joyfully proclaiming that all family land is to be returned to the original owner. ( Lev. 25:13) All debts were to be forgiven and forgotten, and any family members who were slaves (for working off debt) would be set free. Can you imagine the joy and celebrating on this awaited, victorious year of all years? Imagine……your husband or son set free from slavery. Restored family land and relationships. A fresh new beginning for God’s chosen people.
In order to relate and understand this ancient Israel Joyous celebration to our modern culture, please imagine this scenario with me:
A wealthy older relative entrusts you with an exquisite, dazzling diamond ring and instructs you to pass the ring down to your children and grandchildren. The large, pure, brilliant diamond is a priceless masterpiece and your most valued possession.
Every time you look at this great gift, you are reminded of the great love of the one who bestowed it to you. However, as the years go by you make some poor choices that put your family into debt. In order to buy food for your family, you are left with the agonizing decision to exchange your ring for money at a local pawn shop. For years you diligently work in an effort to buy the ring back but to no avail.
You grief for your own loss is multiplied as you also grieve for future generations who have lost out on this gift as well because of your past poor choices. Sometimes you visit the pawn shop to just admire the beautiful ring. Though the ring has now become dirty and dull from neglect. But you still yearn to have it back and regret your past mistakes. and worse of all, you know deep down in your heart that you are lost and dirty just like the family Jewel.
One day (decades after you sold the ring), you stop by the pawn shop and the owner tells you that your ring has been paid for in full and will be yours again, You fall to your knees in grateful relief as tears stream down your joyful face. You ask the pawn shop owner “Who did this?”
A wealthy Prince steps out from behind the curtain and kneels down to wipe your tears and then lifts you up. “I’ve come to pay off all your family debt, and to restore all that you have lost. I am the Jubilee. I am your redeemer who has come to set you free” He presents the diamond and right away you notice that it has been cleaned and now brightly dazzles. and you know in your soul that if you ask for help, your heart will be cleaned and restored as well.
Who is this Prince who left His perfect Kingdom to rescue us and provide a way for restoration with His Father, the King of Kings ? His name is Jesus.
Jesus is our Jubilee
In fact, when Jesus walked this broken earth he declared that He had come to be our Jubilee. He went to his own local town (Nazareth) and read out loud from the prophet Isaiah ( Isaiah 61 1-2) in the synagogue about himself.
Jesus stood up and read:
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. ” Luke 4: 18-19
And he rolled up the scroll and give it back to the attendant and sat down, and the eyes of all the synagogue were fixed on him. And He began to say to them,
“Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”
Jesus used the word Today.
Today, starts the Year of the Lord’s favor. Today, my friend.
He promises liberty for Today because of Easter Day.
Can you hear the brass trumpets on Easter Day that echo the sound of Liberty of the shofar horn?
And on The Final Day when we will be liberated from these waning, perishable bodies, the angels will play a final trumpet victory blast. (Math. 24 :31-32, 1 Corinth. 15:51-52)
Do you (like me) feel like the dirty diamond who has lost its shine? Perhaps the eyes of your blind heart need to be opened? Do you want to have your debts (sins) forgiven by the great Redeemer? Would you like your relationship to be restored with your friend and Lord Jesus? Remember that the Shofar blasted after a time of prayer, fasting and repentance.
He is waiting. Stop trying to clean yourself up. He just needs you to admit that you need help. Fall to your knees in humble worship and allow Him to forgive, set-free, clean, restore and lift you up.
The Secret to having a Jubilee year in 2022 is to let ourselves be cleaned first. Then, you and I will sparkle like freshly-cleaned, dazzling diamonds in this dark and needy world.
Sometimes the questions that we cannot answer right away have the biggest impact. At least I know that to be true for me. Three profound questions slowly set the stage for the all- important decision of my life, and so I will somehow attempt to pen the most significant story of my life.
More than 35 years ago (I must have been in my early teens at the time), I vividly remember walking along the sidewalk in front of a clothing store at a strip mall when a tall, thin young man stepped forward and asked me, “Do you know why Jesus died on the cross?”
I did not have an answer. So I mumbled, “I don’t know,” and I quickly walked by him, as my adolescent shyness overcame my curiosity of this odd question. He probably had a leaflet and some talking points to offer, but I moved too fast and ran into the store.
However, like a persistent dog, the question followed me, nipping at my consciousness and never leaving my side. In my thoughts, I sought to figure out what crime (it must have been serious) that Jesus committed to be so charged with death and crucified.
The question lay dormant for years, just as a faithful dog rests by his owner’s feet.
Around the time I entered high school, I began to attend Young Life meetings in the homes of fellow classmates. Young Life is a Christian youth outreach organization for high school students that includes evenings of silly skits and loud guitar sing-alongs—sort of like a G-rated Saturday Night Live show. In the packed living rooms, we swayed to the music and laughed hilariously as our friends donned funny costumes for the funny plays and contests.
It was such fun to sit with my girlfriends and sing and clap to songs like, “Under the Boardwalk,” while the cute boys played guitars and made us giggle with their shenanigans. My awareness of the opposite sex was growing and I quickly became infatuated whenever a musician caught my eye. More importantly, my awareness of God’s love for me was increasing, too.
The college-aged volunteers in my high school Young Life chapter were caring and committed individuals. They sought to help each of us through our tough high school years. Teams of four volunteers spent their free time planning fun social events and the same joy I felt in the meetings, I could see in the leaders’ everyday lives. These truly were unique, mysterious young adults who donated their nights and weekends to spend time with awkward high schoolers.
In the midst of the silly, joyful and loud songs, one melancholy chorus struck a nerve and became my second defining question. “What’s Forever For?” by Michael Martin Murphey was a song we would often sing during the large group meetings. The song’s chorus asks:
So What’s the Glory in Living
Doesn’t anybody ever stay together anymore?
And if Love never lasts forever
Tell me what’s forever for?
The melancholy, slow chorus seemed so sad to me, and I didn’t want to accept that love could end. I remember a stirring happening in my heart as I considered again and again the end of the chorus, “What’s forever for?”
I did not feel lovable or attractive. During middle school I sported large, rounded glasses with thick lenses, and wore braces on my teeth. At one time the orthodontist even had me wearing a head-brace that went around the outside of my face (not very popular with the guys). A nickname, “Airbrain Amber” is one I’ll never forget. The negative teasing chipped away at my self-esteem. However, these Young Life leaders treated me the same as the more popular students at Charles W Woodward H.S. I remember one volunteer named Warren who woke up super early one Saturday morning to pick up the donuts and bring them to me so I could then sell them to my neighbors.
My parents supported my efforts as well and so during the summer before my sophomore year, I traveled with my friends on a bus to the Young Life camp in Saranac, New York. While there, I walked on high ropes in the tall trees, and parasailed off of the sandy beach. But at the end of each day, I remember sitting in an audience of scores of other 15-16 year olds listening to engaging talks about God and His amazing love.
When the end of the week approached, the closing talk focused on how a human physically suffers when crucified on a cross. I heard how the victim must lift up their weight by pushing on their bloody nailed feet in order to achieve enough air to take a breath to fill their lungs. Then the dying victim would lower himself back down which pulled on his throbbing, wounded wrists. Learning about this slow struggle for air that caused Jesus so much pain shocked me to the core.
“Why would a God of love allow His perfect Son to suffer like this?” I kept thinking to myself as I imagined Jesus on the cross after being whipped to the point of death. He did nothing wrong.
The speaker continued to talk about how Jesus had died on the cross because the God of the universe saw me! He knew that I sat on death row in my ugly selfishness. Generously, He offered up His one and only perfect Son to suffer and die in my place so that I could be with Him in heaven for Eternity.
The speaker’s words jolted me, just as a dog’s urgent barking awakens his master from a deep sleep.
“What?” I gasped silently as my heart quickened. My sins? The answer to the question that I had been trying to find of “Why did Jesus die on the cross?” was all along… for ME?
God’s gracious love flooded me while I sat under a tree alone in the woods after the talk had finished. God had not used fear or threats to draw my tender heart, but instead Love whispered my name. The mighty God of the universe wooed me with patient kindness.
I looked upward into the blue sky, and responded to Jesus with words that flowed from a heart overcome with surprise and gratitude and awe. You did that forme?
What a shock to realize that the Holy God of the Universe not only intimately knew my ugly, selfish heart, but He also loved me so much that He died for me. He desired to walk with me on this earth and then to spend eternity with me too.
As I pondered this indescribable gift of love, my third and final question formed as I looked heavenward. But Jesus, what can I do for you?
Yet ever so gently a still, small voice spoke softly into my spirit, Give me your life.
Yes– My gift would be myself. My unknown future, my dreams, my hopes… all wrapped up with a bow. Yes, Jesus, I responded, I give you my life.
Sitting alone under a tree in the woods at Camp Saranac, I gave my heart to Jesus and began a lifelong journey of love. For almost four decades we have weathered many storms together and shared so many miracles and joys.
Sweet Sisters share and today I am so pleased and proud to present this devotion that my Bel Air Sweet Sister Marni Hansel wrote. She has her plate full as a mom of 5 children and takes care of the needs of so many. She took the time to share this recent true story….so sit down to this feast and chew slowly.
by Marni Hansel
“You will always eat at my table” (2 Samuel 9:7)
I’m going to be honest. I was having a pretty good pity party about having to leave a teaching job I really loved. I felt valued in my vocation, my skills and gifts were appreciated, and I resented walking away from this purpose-filled position. My 16-year-old daughter’s physical health had deteriorated to the point that she could no longer attend school, and she was facing a huge surgery, so she needed me to be her full-time caregiver this fall. I knew I was not really approaching this new “job” with humility and love, so I prayed and asked God to give me a lesson from His Word that I could apply to my situation. What was God’s purpose for me now? Loud and clear in my head I heard, “Show kindness to Mephibosheth.” We learn in 2 Samuel Chapter 9 that King David’s best friend Jonathan (son of Saul) was dead and his son Mephibosheth was hiding in the “land of nothing”, reduced from royalty to refugee. Significantly, Mephibosheth had been dropped as a child and was lame in both feet. Some versions even use the archaic term “crippled”. (2 Sam. 9:3,13) David sent for Mephibosheth. “Don’t be afraid,” David said to him, “for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.” (2 Sam. 9:7) I read over 2 Samuel 9 again, wondering why God had clearly said to me, “Show kindness to Mephibosheth.” I mean, of course I was going to feed my own daughter! I began to question if maybe there was some other Bible story I was supposed to be learning from instead. But just a few days later at church the pastor’s message was from 2 Samuel chapter 9. Honestly, as the scriptures and lesson points appeared on the giant screen, I was laughing and crying at the same time. Okay, God, my job right now is to show kindness to my poor, “crippled” daughter. As her surgery date approached, my dear friend Amber encouraged me to open an account with Meal Train, an app that sets up a calendar for friends to provide dinners. I balked at this. In my pride, I felt that I’d be able to handle preparing meals while doing everything else. And really, wouldn’t she just be recovering in bed most of the day? Surely I’d have plenty of time to cook. But Amber was persistent, so I signed up. The day arrived. The surgeon broke my daughter’s hip bone in four places and put all the pieces together with screws. She spent the next five days in the hospital in tremendous pain. I was so thankful for all the nurses who cared for her around the clock. But then, she came home, still in tremendous pain, and it was my turn. My turn at 1 in the morning, 3 in the morning, and for the rest of the day! My turn helping in the bathroom, assisting with bathing, lifting and shifting, keeping track of medicine schedules. It seemed like she needed me every single second. I was exhausted, and truthfully the pain made her “less than pleasant”, so showing kindness was not easy! The meals started coming. Every night, delicious homemade meals or tasty take out arrived! I was stretched to capacity, but I never had to think about cooking. To this day, our dinners are still provided! And everyone has been exceedingly generous, so far above and beyond anything I expected. We eat like kings! In a season of thanksgiving, where I have struggled to be thankful, this abundant provision has filled my heart with gratitude. And who am I, to receive such lavish love? I don’t deserve all this goodness. It brings to mind Mephibosheth’s response to David: Mephibosheth bowed down and said, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” (2 Sam. 9:8) WAIT! Hold on, God! Are you saying that… I am Mephibosheth? All along, God has been showing kindness to ME. He has not forgotten me, feeling broken and low in the “land of nothing”. He has brought me to His banqueting table, every meal lavishly provided for my family by the King of Kings. I am loved. I am cared for. I am now THANKFUL in a way I have never been thankful before. Yes, I have a purpose in giving care to my daughter. But I also find a purpose in receiving care from my Father. Through His display of lovingkindness, He changed my resentful heart to a thankful one. Thank you, God, for showing kindness to me.
Do you want this summer to include a fun way to strengthen your relationship with a friend/relative and with God? Do you have a friend or loved one who lives far away? How about a half hour each week chat on the phone after each reading the short chapter on a real life story about love and let the fast fun favorite questions start the laughter and next let the deeper end discussion questions allow for a deeper sharing of hearts.
In the 7 short chapter book Love.Always.Wins the fun fast favorite ice breakers include “What is your favorite comfort food?” to “How old were you when you had your first crush?”. Then, after reading a story from the author’s messy life, the discussion questions include looking up God’s answer in the Bible for answers to life’s many challenges.
A recent quote was sent to me by reader:
“Amber shares her own vulnerabilities as a Christian woman –not perfection– moving to love and forgiveness with God’s help. Her beautiful poems accentuate this Love. ” Sharon P.
Perhaps buy two books and suggest having “a book club for two” as a gift for a friend or mom/daughter. What could be a greater gift then spending time with a friend and learning together how much God loves you ………a love that will Never end ….a love that will Always Win!
My experienced friends warned me that certain days of the year could pull a bereaved person down into a quicksand-like spiral as the memory of the past rubs salt into the still-wounded present. Holidays and anniversaries magnify the loss of a loved one, each event having the potential to drag under the people left behind. As a new Christmas season approached, I hoped that during the second anniversary of my baby girl Megan’s birth and death, I would resist both fighting the pull of grief and trying to speed through this potentially heartbreaking time. For as a victim in quicksand soon learns, both thrashing around and trying to rush through it could result in more loss.Continuing to fight causes the quicksand victim to further sink, just as I could further sink into my grief and self pity. Panicking and trying to speed the process of escape causes the victim to sink faster, just as I could push myself further into the pit of despair by not taking my time to acknowledge and face my grieving.
The Key with both quicksand and with grief is to move slowly, take small steps, and be willing to let others pull you out.
Two years before, I gave birth to a premature baby girl on December 23. The most intense forty days of my life followed her emergency birth as my husband and I watched our baby girl go on and off a respirator and survive bowel surgery, only to watch her take her final breath in my arms. Megan weighed just 2 pounds 4 ounces, but she was perfectly formed, a true gift from God. As she struggled for her life, we struggled against two major snowstorms to bring her my breast milk. I felt so torn between visiting the hospital and caring for my other two daughters, Mary Jo and Katie, at home.
As Megan took her final breath, however, I felt God’s complete peace and an awareness of his sovereignty. She shared forty days with us on earth, the number the early church fathers held as “the necessary period of cleansing or testing and strengthening which allows the fullness of wisdom to become a reality.” According to the Bible, Jesus spent forty hours in the tomb between good Friday and Easter morning, as well as forty days in the desert while being tempted. Noah and his family spent forty days on the ark. Moses fasted for forty days before he received the Ten Commandments, and the Israelites wandered for forty years before entering the Promised Land. Megan completed her forty days on earth and was now free from pain, praising God in her own Promised Land – Heaven.
The name Megan means “will achieve might and strength,” and I knew in my innermost depths her life was complete at forty days. While most days I could trust in God’s perfect wisdom for my family and me, as a sensitive and shortsighted human I still felt the loss of a loved one. Grieving is a healthy and necessary process whose emotions and tears should not be buried or ignored. I spent the following year writing in my journal and creating a scrap/photo album to include the photos, cards, and letters sent to commemorate Megan’s short life. A room was dedicated to her at my home church and Mary Jo, Katie, and I made frequent stops to hang bulletin boards and set up supplies. A year and a half later, a baby boy named Jacob blessed our family (Jacob means “the supplanter”). The waves of grief diminished as time and understanding increased. I turned to Jesus and His Holy Word for comfort and I felt my own faith strengthen. At times, I relished in the thought that I had a child in Heaven, for is that not our ultimate goal as parents?
However, as Christmas and Megan’s second birthday approached, my fears of how I would handle the days increased. Christmas was centered on a baby boy who was miraculously born. The absence of a miracle for Megan would seem greater with one less stocking to fill. On the other hand, if I filled a stocking as some bereaved parents do, I have one less child to unpack all the goodies. The sore empty wound that I still carried (and will always carry in a lesser degree until I am reunited with my baby) seemed such a contrast to the cheery hustle and bustle of Christmas. What could I do instead of planning her birthday party? What could I buy instead of party favors, cake and ice cream? Would anyone but me remember Megan’s birthday?
Christmas surrounded me with its cinnamon smells, jingle bells, glitter and gold tinsel. Could it have been only two years before, alone in my cold sterile hospital room that I spent Christmas morning? I was supposed to be six months pregnant, I thought. Instead, my little baby girl struggled for life in intensive care. My staples stung from the emergency cesarean, a physical reminder of the stinging feeling of sitting alone in a hospital bed trying to imagine the reactions of my girls as they opened their gifts at home. Two years later, especially during anniversary remembrances, the sore emptiness of loss was ever present and I feared I would sink into the quicksand of self-pity and depression. “Lord, I can’t let Megan’s birthday take away the peace and Joy of Christmas from my other children. Help.”
The Sunday before Christmas, we stopped by Megan’s grave after church. Before I opened the car door, I spotted something lying on her tombstone. I burst into tears of joy as I realized someone had left a tiny Christmas tree in Megan’s memory. Little ornaments of angels, Mary and Joseph, adorned the little tree. Attached was a card inside a plastic bag. Who could have been so kind? Who remembered Megan? With trembling hands, I ripped open the bag. As I read the card, my questions melted into understanding. Of course – It was from Irene and Rich, friends of ours who had lost their own baby a year before mine to SIDS. “Merry Christmas, Megan,” the card read. “Keep an extra eye out on your Mommy and Daddy, Mary Jo, Katie and Jacob this Christmas. You are forever in their hearts.”
I felt God’s love through the gift of that tree. As I thought about how Rich and Irene were able to comfort me because of their own loss, an idea sprouted. Now I had a plan as to how I was going to celebrate Megan’s birthday. My excitement grew as I planned our birthday surprise, and I no longer felt the quicksand pull of self-pity. On December 23rd, I bundled up my children and stopped first at a florist shop and selected a colorful bouquet with roses.
Next, we stopped at a local bookstore. I did not know the owners personally, but I had briefly met their preteen daughter before she died in a bicycling accident years before. She had watched my older daughter at church, and so five-year-old Mary Jo handed the father our bouquet. “What’s this?” he asked. I nodded to the picture of his daughter behind the cash register. The words sputtered out and my eyes blinked back tears. “This is in memory of your daughter.”
Later that night, as I pulled into our driveway, I noticed a white rose with a note attached lying in our path. I recognized my friend Terry’s handwriting, but the message felt straight from heaven. “Mommy, Thank you for giving me a ‘birth’ day. Love, Megan.”
Tears of gratitude and release flowed. Like a balm for my wound, the tears flowed as I again felt God’s love and understanding through a friend. More ideas began to spring up as if my tears provided the moisture necessary for germination. Many neighbors, relatives and friends were approaching quicksand pools of their own, and I hoped to help pull some of them out. The strongest pull is love, I will tell them, and the only escape from a pool of quicksand is to receive God’s love and then to love-pull a friend out of their own.
Feeling a little blah? The secret to rising out of the winter-blah pit can be found in the fabulous peacock feather.
On one end of a peacock feather is a bare, white stick but the other end displays the delicate, stunning plumage of greens, blues and purples which the male peacock so proudly displays to attract a partner.
So, I have a very important question for you my sweet sister: How do you balance a peacock feather with one hand?
While at a recent business convention, a motivational juggler used peacock feathers as an object lesson and so I brought the beautiful feathers back and added a spiritual twist for the local sweet sister group.
First, we were told to look at the ugly white point and balance the feather in the palm of one of our hands. As the audience tried to balance the tall feather and looked down at the stark, ugly end, the feathers kept falling as did our attitudes.
But………. when we looked upward at the top of the gorgeous peacock feather, then balancing became so much easier and our smiles turned upward as well.
Soon laughter and joy could be heard throughout the room, as we soon learned that we could toss upward the feather from one hand to the other, if we just kept our eyes on the top of the fabulous feather.
The spiritual secret of the Peacock feather is also found in the book of Philippians. Paul is under house arrest after experiencing so many hardships within the church community and outside as well. He tells his brothers and sisters to Rejoice ! and then gives his secret for not being sucked under into despair:
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal toward the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians Ch. 3:13-14
then Paul encourages his readers to focus on whatever is: “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. ” Phillipians 4:8-9
Who is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable? only the Great I Am – the one and only God who sits on His mighty throne.
So what or Who are you focusing on today?
Perhaps you are frozen and stuck looking back over past mistakes and regrets? Or the let down after the excitement of Christmas and New Year has you a little down? I recently heard from a sweet sister who shared she wasn’t excited about her birthday. Is the passage of time getting you down? Or like me when I was younger, is the rise and fall of monthly female hormones causing you to see only the negative? (My poor dear husband) or perhaps you are living with fear over the choices of a child or the medical failings of a loved one? God hears your heart cries and He does not want you, his precious daughter, living in the pit of fear, or shame or despair.
No matter the reason you are stuck in the weeds, there .is. a. way. out.
Focus on the character of God and the hope and promise we have in the days to come. In Philippians we read that : God will provide us the strength for whatever situation we may face.
1. “I can do All things through Christ who gives me strength”
phil 4:13
and then we are promised that God will provide just what we need:
2. “God will supply All of our needs according to the riches of His Glory in Christ Jesus. “
Phil. 4;19
While you are waiting to see how God will work this all out for good (Romans 8:28) , take out a pen and write out the beauty of God’s character. What adjectives describe God? Every morning I write out a word or more during my adoration time during my date with Jesus. I’ll start you off : God is so: faithful, forgiving, generous, good, powerful, loving, caring, In Control, merciful, kind, Just, Great, etc………..
Now: Write out 10 good things about yourself. Or 10 good things about the person you are frustrated with. (During those hormonal days I would write out 10 good things about me, my husband and my life.) Or how about 10 ways that God has been faithful in the past.
By the time you have reached number 10, I guarantee you will feel light as a feather with a renewed perception.
So back to my original question: How do you balance a peacock feather with one hand? or really, “How can you stay balanced with all the strife going on around you? “
Keep your Eyes upward and forward at the beauty and truth that exists only in our Lord and Savior.
Then record this beauty and truth with a pen.
Recording God’s love and continued care with a pen will raise you out of the pit of lost perception and soon the winter Blah’s will become full of springtime hope and victory.
On the third day, a Wedding took place in Cana. John 2:1
The best things in life need to be savored. Like a a fine dinner that one needs to chew slowly to truly appreciate the Chef’s choice of various spices and unique fresh vegetables meant to dance on the taste buds. In fact, one should ideally first relish the presentation of the meal with ones eyes before even beginning to eat. Imagine your favorite gourmet dessert and how it is best to slow down and then close ones eyes and linger over every bite so one can appreciate the sea salt that has been sprinkled in or the nuts that add just the right crunch.
Recently, the sweet sisters have been slowing down to savor the Gospel of John. Instead of watching a video or reading about another sisters take on a portion of scripture we are feasting on this finest of foods for ourselves.
We started with the story that begins Jesus’ ministry, when he changed ordinary water into the best wine and his disciples saw the glory of God and believed.
Gathered in a circle in my family room, we held our Gospel of John booklets and started reading the first 12 verses in chapter 2 and then I said, Let’s read it slowly through again. And then we started for a third time and carefully chewed on each verse and started to ask observational questions.
We carefully asked the observations questions for the inductive OICA study which includes: Observation, Interpretation, Correlation and application.
Observation: Who, What, Where, when, why and How.
Who: Jesus, his mother Mary, his first disciples, a bride and bridegroom, the servants, the master of the banquet Where: the town of Cana, just north of Nazareth (where Jesus was raised) When: on the third day.
but when the question of “why? needed an answer:
We. were. stumped.
We kept coming back to why did Jesus’ first miracle/ sign happened on “the third Day”. What is the significance? Why would this be significant to the first disciples who were guests at the wedding?
And then it happened. Sweet Sister Marni flipped to Genesis Chapter One and read to us what God did on the third day.
And God Said, “Let the waters under the earth be gathered into one place,and let dry land appear,” and it was so. Genesis 1: 9
On the third day, God (the Creator God) transformed water into dry land. And then “God saw that it was good”.
What an “Ah Ha !” Moment for us.
Only God could change water into dry land.
Only God could change water into wine.
What is God telling us through this first miracle/sign of Jesus’ ministry on earth?
Jesus IS God.
Jesus was there at Creation as God refers to himself as “US”
“Let US make God in OUR image, in OUR Likeness” Genesis 1:26
and as John continually declares in his prologue,
“ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word WAS God. John 1:1
And Oh sweet sisters, as I have delved deeper into this Special 3rd day of creation, I have discovered that God also created all the vegetation, and plants and trees that bear fruit and seed. Of course when I read about fruit and seeds, I thought of God’s sweet echo in the story of Cana of the wine that is made from grapes.
Grapes! Sweet grapes that were crushed to create wine.
Can’t you just see the gears turning in the heads of the disciples (present and future) when they see and taste that it is “the best wine” and they are reminded of how God on the third day “saw that it was good.” ?
Do you believe that Jesus is God?
What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which He revealed His. Glory, and his disciples believed in Him.
